mc.prey-第7章

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　The　baby　rubbed　her　eyes　with　tiny　fists；　and　yawned。　She　certainly　appeared　to　have　been　awakened。
　Julia　turned　to　me　in　the　darkness。　〃I　didn't。　Really。　I　didn't　wake　her　up。　Why　are　you　looking　at　me　that　way？〃
　〃What　way？〃
　〃You　know　what　way。　That　accusing　way。〃
　〃I'm　not　accusing　you　of　anything。〃
　The　baby　started　to　whimper　and　then　to　cry。　Julia　touched　her　diaper。　〃I　think　she's　wet；〃　she　said；　and　handed　her　to　me　as　she　walked　out　of　the　room。　〃You　do　it；　Mr。　Perfect。〃
　*　*　*
　Now　there　was　tension　between　us。　After　I　changed　the　baby　and　put　her　back　to　bed；　I　heard　Julia　e　out　of　the　shower；　banging　a　door。　Whenever　Julia　started　banging　doors；　it　was　a　sign　for　me　to　e　and　mollify　her。　But　I　didn't　feel　like　it　tonight。　I　was　annoyed　she'd　awakened　the　baby；　and　I　was　annoyed　by　her　unreliability；　saying　she'd　be　home　early　and　never　calling　to　say　she　wouldn't。　I　was　scared　that　she　had　bee　so　unreliable　because　she　was　distracted　by　a　new　love。　Or　she　just　didn't　care　about　her　family　anymore。　I　didn't　know　what　to　do　about　all　this；　but　I　didn't　feel　like　smoothing　the　tension　between　us。　I　just　let　her　bang　the　doors。　She　slammed　her　sliding　closet…door　so　hard　the　wood　cracked。　She　swore。　That　was　another　sign　I　was　supposed　to　e　running。　I　went　back　to　the　living　room；　and　sat　down。　I　picked　up　the　book　I　was　reading；　and　stared　at　the　page。　I　tried　to　concentrate　but　of　course　I　couldn't。　I　was　angry　and　I　listened　to　her　bang　around　in　the　bedroom。　If　she　kept　it　up；　she'd　wake　Eric　and　then　I　would　have　to　deal　with　her。　I　hoped　it　wouldn't　go　that　far。
　Eventually　the　noise　stopped。　She　had　probably　gotten　into　bed。　If　so；　she　would　soon　be　asleep。　Julia　could　go　to　sleep　when　we　were　fighting。　I　never　could；　I　stayed　up；　pacing　and　angry；　trying　to　settle　myself　down。
　When　I　finally　came　to　bed；　Julia　was　fast　asleep。　I　slipped　between　the　covers；　and　rolled　over　on　my　side；　away　from　her。
　It　was　one　o'clock　in　the　morning　when　the　baby　began　to　scream。　I　groped　for　the　light；　knocked　over　the　alarm　clock；　which　turned　the　clock　radio　on；　blaring　rock　and　roll。　I　swore；　fumbled　in　the　dark；　finally　got　the　bedside　light　on；　turned　the　radio　off。　The　baby　was　still　screaming。
　〃What's　the　matter　with　her？〃　Julia　said　sleepily。
　〃I　don't　know。〃　I　got　out　of　bed；　shaking　my　head；　trying　to　wake　up。　I　went　into　the　nursery　and　flicked　on　the　light。　The　room　seemed　very　bright；　the　clown　wallpaper　very　yellow　and　burning。　Out　of　nowhere；　I　thought：　why　doesn't　she　want　yellow　placemats　when　she　painted　the　whole　nursery　yellow？
　The　baby　was　standing　up　in　her　crib；　holding　on　to　the　rails　and　howling；　her　mouth　wide　open；　her　breath　ing　in　jagged　gasps。　Tears　were　running　down　her　cheeks。　I　held　my　arms　out　to　her　and　she　reached　for　me；　and　I　forted　her。　I　thought　it　must　be　a　nightmare。　I　forted　her；　rocked　her　gently。
　She　continued　to　scream；　unrelenting。　Maybe　something　was　hurting　her；　maybe　something　in　her　diaper。　I　checked　her　body。　That　was　when　I　saw　an　angry　red　rash　on　her　belly；　extending　in　welts　around　to　her　back；　and　up　toward　her　neck。
　Julia　came　in。　〃Can't　you　stop　it？〃　she　said。
　I　said；　〃There's　something　wrong；〃　and　I　showed　her　the　rash。
　〃Has　she　got　a　fever？〃
　I　touched　Amanda's　head。　She　was　sweaty　and　hot；　but　that　could　be　from　the　crying。　The　rest　of　her　body　felt　cool。　〃I　don't　know。　I　don't　think　so。〃
　I　could　see　the　rash　on　her　thighs　now。　Was　it　on　her　thighs　a　moment　before？　I　almost　thought　I　was　seeing　it　spread　before　my　eyes。　If　it　was　possible；　the　baby　screamed　even　louder。　〃Jesus；〃　Julia　said。　〃I'll　call　the　doctor。〃
　〃Yeah；　do。〃　By　now　I　had　the　baby　on　her　back…she　screamed　more…and　I　was　looking　carefully　at　her　entire　body。　The　rash　was　spreading；　there　was　no　doubt　about　it。　And　she　seemed　to　be　in　terrible　pain；　screaming　bloody　murder。
　〃I'm　sorry；　honey；　I'm　sorry　。。。〃　I　said。
　Definitely　spreading。
　Julia　came　back　and　said　she　left　word　for　the　doctor。　I　said；　〃I'm　not　going　to　wait。　I'm　taking　her　to　the　emergency　room。〃
　〃Do　you　really　think　that's　necessary？〃　she　said。
　I　didn't　answer　her；　I　just　went　into　the　bedroom　to　put　on　my　clothes。
　Julia　said；　〃Do　you　want　me　to　e　with　you？〃
　〃No；　stay　with　the　kids；〃　I　said。
　〃You　sure？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Okay；〃　she　said。　She　wandered　back　to　the　bedroom。　I　reached　for　my　car　keys。
　The　baby　continued　to　scream。
　　
　〃I　realize　it's　unfortable；〃　the　intern　was　saying。　〃But　I　don't　think　it's　safe　to　sedate　her。〃　We　were　in　a　curtained　cubicle　in　the　emergency　room。　The　intern　was　bent　over　my　screaming　daughter；　looking　in　her　ears　with　his　instrument。　By　now　Amanda's　entire　body　was　bright；　angry　red。　She　looked　as　if　she　had　been　parboiled。
　I　felt　scared。　I'd　never　heard　of　anything　like　this　before；　a　baby　turning　bright　red　and　screaming　constantly。　I　didn't　trust　this　intern；　who　seemed　far　too　young　to　be　petent。　He　couldn't　be　experienced；　he　didn't　even　look　as　if　he　shaved　yet。　I　was　jittery；　shifting　my　weight　from　one　foot　to　the　other。　I　was　beginning　to　feel　slightly　crazy；　because　my　daughter　had　never　stopped　screaming　once　in　the　last　hour。　It　was　wearing　me　down。　The　intern　ignored　it。　I　didn't　know　how　he　could。
　〃She　has　no　fever；〃　he　said；　making　notes　in　a　chart；　〃but　in　a　child　this　age　that　doesn't　mean　anything。　Under　a　year；　they　may　not　run　fevers　at　all；　even　with　severe　infections。〃
　〃Is　that　what　this　is？〃　I　said。　〃An　infection？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　I'm　presuming　a　virus　because　of　that　rash。　But　we　should　have　the　preliminary　blood　work　back　in…ah；　good。〃　A　passing　nurse　handed　him　a　slip　of　paper。　〃Uhh　。。。　hmmm　。。。〃　He　paused。　〃Well　。。。〃
　〃Well　what？〃　I　said；　shifting　my　weight　anxiously。
　He　was　shaking　his　head　as　he　stared　at　the　paper。　He　didn't　answer。
　〃Well　what？〃
　〃It's　not　an　infection；〃　he　said。　〃White　cells　counts　all　normal；　protein　fractions　normal。　She's　got　no　immune　mobilization　at　all。〃
　〃What　does　that　mean？〃
　He　was　very　calm；　standing　there；　frowning　and　thinking。　I　wondered　if　perhaps　he　was　just　dumb。　The　best　people　weren't　going　into　medicine　anymore；　not　with　the　HMOs　running　everything。　This　kid　might　be　one　of　the　new　breed　of　dumb　doctor。　〃We　have　to　widen　the　diagnostic　net；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　going　to　order　a　surgical　consult；　a　neurological　consult；　we　have　a　dermo　ing；　we　have　infectious　ing。　That'll　mean　a　lot　of　people　to　talk　to　you　about　your　daughter；　asking　the　same　questions　over　again；　but…〃
　〃That's　okay；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　mind。　Just　。。。　what　do　you　think　is　wrong　with　her？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　Mr。　Forman。　If　it's　not　infectious；　we　look　for　other　reasons　for　this　skin　response。　She　hasn't　traveled　out　of　the　country？〃
　〃No。〃　I　shook　my　head。
　〃No　recent　exposures　to　heavy　metals　or　toxins？〃
　〃Like　what？〃
　〃Dump　sites；　industrial　plants；　chemical　exposure　。。。〃
　〃No；　no。〃
　〃Can　you　think　of　anything　at　all　that　might　have　caused　this　reaction？〃
　〃No；　nothing　。。。　wait；　she　had　vaccinations　yesterday。〃
　〃What　vaccinations？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　whatever　she　gets　for　her　age　。。。〃
　〃You　don't　know　what　vaccinations？〃　he　said。　His　notebook　was　open；　his　pen　poised　over　the　page。
　〃No；　for　Christ's　sake；〃　I　said　irritably；　〃I　don't　know　what　vaccinations。　Every　time　she　goes　there；　she　gets　another　shot。　You're　the　goddamned　doctor…〃
　〃That's　okay；　Mr。　Forman；〃　he　said　soothingly。　〃I　know　it's　stressful。　If　you　just　tell　me　the　name　of　your　pediatrician；　I'll　call　him；　how　is　that？〃
　I　nodded。　I　wiped　my　hand　across　my　forehead。　I　was　sweating。　I　spelled　the　pediatrician's　name　for　him　while　he　wrote　it　down　in　his　notebook。　I　tried　to　calm　down。　I　tried　to　think　clearly。
　And　all　the　time；　my　baby　just　screamed。
　*　*　*
　Half　an　hour　later；　she　went　into　convulsions。
　They　started　while　one　of　the　white…coated　consultants　was　bent　over　her；　examining　her。　Her　little　body　wrenched　and　twisted。　She　made　retching　sounds　as　if　she　was　trying　to　vomit。　Her　legs　jerked　spastically。　She　began　to　wheeze。　Her　eyes　rolled　up　into　her　head。　I　don't　remember　what　I　said　or　did　then；　but　a　big　orderly　the　size　of　a　football　player　came　in　and　pushed　me　to　one　side　of　the　cubicle　and　held　my　arms。　I　looked　past　his　huge　shoulder　as　six　people　clustered　around　my　daughter；　a　nurse　wearing　a　Bart　Simpson　T…shirt　was　sticking　a　needle　into　her　forehead。　I　began　to　shout　and　struggle。　The　orderly　was　yelling；　〃Scowvane；　scowvane；　scowvane；〃　over　and　over。　Finally　I　realized　he　was　saying　〃Scalp　vein。〃　He　explained　it　was　just　to　start　an　IV；　that　the　baby　had　bee　dehydrated。　That　was　why　she　was　convulsing。　I　heard　talk　of　electrolytes；　magnesium；　potassium。　Anyway；　the　convulsions　stopped　in　a　few　seconds。　But　she　continued　to　scream。
　I　called　Julia。　She　was　awake。　〃How　is　she？〃
　〃The　same。〃
　〃Still　crying？　Is　that　her？〃
　〃Yes。〃　She　could　hear　Amanda　in　the　background。
　〃Oh　God。〃　She　groaned。　〃What　are　they　saying　it　is？〃
　〃They　don't　know　yet。〃
　〃Oh；　the　poor　baby。〃
　〃There　have　been　about　fifty　doctors　in　here　to　look　at　her。〃
　〃Is　there　anything　I　can　do？〃
　〃I　don't　think　so。〃
　〃Okay。　Let　me　know。〃
　〃Okay。〃
　〃I'm　not　sleeping。〃
　〃Okay。〃
　*　*　*
　Shortly　before　dawn　the　huddled　consultants　announced　that　she　either　had　an　intestinal　obstruction　or　a　brain　tumor；　they　couldn't　decide　which；　and　they　ordered　an　MRI。　The　sky　was　beginning　to　lighten　when　she　was　finally　wheeled　to　the　imaging　room。　The　big　white　machine　stood　in　the　center　of　the　room。　The　nurse　told　me　it　would　calm　the　baby　if　I　helped　her　prepare　her；　and　she　took　the　needle　out　of　her　scalp　because　there　couldn't　be　any　metal　during　the　MRI　reading。　Blood　squirted　down　Amanda's　face；　into　her　eye。　The　nurse　wiped　it　away。
　Now　Amanda　was　strapped　onto　the　white　board　that　rolled　into　the　depths　of　the　machine。　My　daughter　was　staring　up　at　the　MRI　in　terror；　still　screaming。　The　nurse　told　me　I　could　wait　in　the　next　room　with　the　technician。　I　went　into　a　room　with　a　glass　window　that　looked　in　on　the　MRI　machine。
　The　technician　was　foreign；　dark。　〃How　old　is　she？　Is　it　a　she？〃
　〃Yes；　she。　Nine　months。〃
　〃Quite　a　set　of　lungs　on　her。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Here　we　go。〃　He　was　fiddling　at　his　knobs　and　dials；　hardly　looking　at　my　daughter。　Amanda　was　pletely　inside　the　machine。　Her　sobs　sounded　tinny　over　the　microphone。　The　technician　flicked　a　switch　and　the　pump　began　to　chatter；　it　made　a　lot　of　noise。　But　I　could　still　hear　my　daughter　screaming。
　And　then；　abruptly；　she　stopped。
　She　was　pletely　silent。
　〃Uh…oh；〃　I　said。　I　looked　at　the　technician　and　the　nurse。　Their　faces　registered　shock。　We　all　thought　the　same　thing；　that　something　terrible　had　happened。　My　heart　began　to　pound。　The　technician　hastily　shut　down　the　pumps　and　we　hurried　back　into　the　room。　My　daughter　was　lying　there；　still　strapped　down；　breathing　heavily；　but　apparently　fine。　She　blinked　her　eyes　slowly；　as　if　dazed。　Already　her　skin　was　noticeably　a　lighter　shade　of　pink；　with　patches　of　normal　color。　The　rash　was　fading　right　before　our　eyes。　〃I'll　be　damned；〃　the　technician　said。
　*　*　*
　Back　in　the　emergency　room；　they　wouldn't　let　Amanda　go　home。　The　surgeons　still　thought　she　had