cb.imajica2-第29章

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　〃We　all　failed　tonight！〃　the　Maestro　said。　He　took　hold　of　the　trembling　boy　and　spoke　to　him　softly。　〃I　don't　know　how　this　tragedy　came　about；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　sniff　more　than　your　shite　in　the　air。　Some　plot　was　here；　laid　against　our　high　ambition；　and　perhaps　if　I　hadn't　been　blinded　by　my　own　glory　I'd　have　seen　it。　The　fault　isn't　yours；　Lucius。　And　stopping　your　own　life　won't　bring　Abelove；　or　Esther；　or　any　of　the　others　back。　Listen　to　me。〃
　〃I'm　listening。〃
　〃Do　you　still　want　to　be　my　adept？〃
　〃Of　course。〃
　〃Will　you　obey　my　instructions　now；　to　the　letter？〃
　〃Anything。　Just　tell　me　what　you　need　from　me。〃
　〃Take　my　books；　all　that　you　can　carry；　and　go　as　far　from　here　as　you're　able　to　go。　To　the　other　end　of　the　Imajica；　if　you　can　learn　the　trick　of　it。　Somewhere　Roxborough　and　his　hounds　won't　ever　find　you。　There's　a　hard　winter　ing　for　men　like　us。　It'll　kill　all　but　the　cleverest。　But　you　can　be　clever；　can't　you？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃I　knew　it。〃　The　Maestro　smiled。　〃You　must　teach　yourself　in　secret；　Lucius；　and　you　must　learn　to　live　outside　time。　That　way；　the　years　won't　wither　you；　and　when　Roxborough's　dead　you'll　be　able　to　try　again。〃
　〃Where　will　you　be；　Maestro？〃
　〃Forgotten；　if　I'm　lucky。　But　never　forgiven；　I　think。　That　would　be　too　much　to　hope　for。　Don't　look　so　dejected；　Lucius。　I　have　to　know　there's　some　hope；　and　I'm　charging　you　to　carry　it　for　me。〃
　〃It's　my　honor；　Maestro。〃
　As　he　replied；　Gentle　was　once　again　grazed　by　the　deja　vu　he'd　first　felt　when　he'd　encountered　Lucius　outside　the　dining　room　door。　But　the　touch　was　light；　and　passed　before　he　could　make　sense　of　it。
　〃Remember；　Lucius；　that　everything　you　learn　is　already　part　of　you；　even　to　the　Godhead　Itself。　Study　nothing　except　in　the　knowledge　that　you　already　knew　it。　Worship　nothing　except　in　adoration　of　your　true　self。　And　fear　nothing〃…there　the　Maestro　stopped　and　shuddered；　as　though　he　had　a　presentiment…〃fear　nothing　except　in　the　certainty　that　you　are　your　enemy's　begetter　and　its　only　hope　of　healing。　For　everything　that　does　evil　is　in　pain。　Will　you　remember　those　things？〃
　The　boy　looked　uncertain。　〃As　best　I　can；〃　he　said。
　〃That　will　have　to　suffice；〃　the　Maestro　said。　〃Now　。。。　get　out　of　here　before　the　purgers　e。〃
　He　let　go　of　the　boy's　shoulders；　and　Cobbitt　retreated　down　the　stairs；　backwards；　like　a　moner　from　the　king；　only　turning　and　heading　away　when　he　was　at　the　bottom。
　The　storm　was　overhead　now；　and　with　the　boy　gone；　taking　his　sewer　stench　with　him；　the　smell　of　electricity　was　strong。　The　candle　Gentle　held　flickered；　and　for　an　instant　he　thought　it　was　going　to　be　extinguished；　signaling　the　end　of　these　recollections；　at　least　for　tonight。　But　there　was　more　to　e。
　〃That　was　kind；〃　he　heard　Pie　'oh'　pah　say；　and　turned　to　see　the　mystif　standing　at　the　top　of　the　stairs。　It　had　discarded　its　soiled　clothes　with　its　customary　fastidiousness；　but　the　plain　shirt　and　trousers　it　wore　were　all　the　finery　it　needed　to　appear　in　perfection。　There　was　no　face　in　the　Imajica　more　beautiful　than　this；　Gentle　thought；　nor　form　more　graceful；　and　the　scenes　of　terror　and　recrimination　the　storm　had　brought　were　of　little　consequence　while　he　bathed　in　the　sight　of　it。　But　the　Maestro　he　had　been　had　not　yet　made　the　error　of　losing　this…miracle　and；　seeing　the　mystif；　was　more　concerned　that　his　deceits　had　been　discovered。
　〃Were　you　here　when　Godolphin　came？〃　he　asked。
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Then　you　know　about　Judith？〃
　〃I　can　guess。〃
　〃I　kept　it　from　you　because　I　knew　you　wouldn't　approve。〃
　〃It's　not　my　place　to　approve　or　otherwise。　I'm　not　your　wife；　that　you　should　fear　my　censure。〃
　〃Still；　I　do。　And　I　thought；　well；　when　the　Reconciliation　was　done　this　would　seem　like　a　little　indulgence；　and　you'd　say　I　deserved　it　because　of　what　I'd　achieved。　Now　it　seems　like　a　crime；　and　I　wish　it　could　be　undone。〃
　〃Do　you？　Truly？〃　the　mystif　said。
　The　Maestro　looked　up。　〃No；　I　don't；〃　he　said；　his　tone　that　of　a　man　surprised　by　a　revelation。　He　started　to　climb　the　stairs。　〃I　suppose　I　must　believe　what　I　told　Godolphin；　about　her　being　our。。。〃
　〃Victory；〃　Pie　prompted；　stepping　aside　to　let　the　summoner　step　into　the　Meditation　Room。　It　was；　as　ever；　bare。　〃Shall　I　leave　you　alone？〃　Pie　asked。
　〃No；〃　the　Maestro　said　hurriedly。　Then；　more　quietly：　〃Please。　No。〃
　He　went　to　the　window　from　which　。he　had　stood　those　many　evenings　watching　the　nymph　Allegra　at　her　toilet。　The　branches　of　the　tree　he'd　spied　her　through　thrashed　themselves　to　splinter　and　pulp　against　the　panes。
　〃Can　you　make　me　forget；　Pie　'oh'　pah？　There　are　such　feits；　aren't　there？〃
　〃Of　course。　But　is　that　what　you　want？〃
　〃No；　what　I　really　want　is　death；　but　I'm　too　afraid　of　that　at　the　moment。　So　。。。　it　will　have　to　be　forgetfulness。〃
　〃The　true　Maestro　folds　pain　into　his　experience。〃
　〃Then　I'm　not　a　true　Maestro；〃　he　returned。　〃I　don't　have　the　courage　for　that。　Make　me　forget；　mystif。　Divide　me　from　what　I've　done　and　what　I　am　forever。　Make　a　feit　that'll　be　a　river　between　me　and　this　moment；　so　that　I'm　never　tempted　to　cross　it。〃
　〃How　will　you　live？〃
　The　Maestro　puzzled　over　this　for　a　few　moments。　〃In　increments；〃　he　finally　replied。　〃Each　part　ignorant　of　the　part　before。　Well。　You　can　do　this　for　me？〃
　〃Certainly。〃
　〃It's　what　1　did　for　the　woman　I　made　for　Godolphin。　Every　ten　years　she'll　start　to　undo　her　life　and　disappear。　Then　she'll　invent　another　one　and　live　it；　never　knowing　what　she　left　behind。〃
　Listening　to　himself　plot　the　life　he'd　lived；　Gentle　heard　a　perverse　satisfaction　in　his　voice。　He　had　condemned　himself　to　two　hundred　years　of　waste；　but　he'd　known　what　he　was　doing。　He'd　made　the　same　arrangements　precisely　for　the　second　Judith　and　had　contemplated　every　consequence　on　her　behalf。　It　wasn't　just　cowardice　that　made　him　shun　these　memories。　It　was　a　kind　of　revenge　upon　himself　for　failing；　to　banish　his　future　to　the　same　limbo　he'd　made　for　his　creature。
　〃I'll　have　pleasure；　Pie；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　wander　the　world　and　enjoy　the　moments。　I　just　won't　have　the　sum　of　them。〃
　〃And　what　about　me？〃
　〃After　this；　you're　free　to　go；〃　he　said。
　〃And　do　what？　Be　what？〃
　〃Whore　or　assassin；　I　don't　care；〃　the　Maestro　said。
　The　remark　had　been　thrown　off　casually…surely　not　intended　as　an　order　to　the　mystif。　But　was　it　a　slave's　duty　to　distinguish　between　a　mand　made　for　the　humor　of　it　and　one　to　be　followed　absolutely？　No；　it　was　a　slave's　duty　to　obey；　especially　if　the　dictate　came；　as　did　this；　from　a　beloved　mouth。　Here；　with　a　throwaway　remark；　the　master　had　circumscribed　his　servant's　life　for　two　centuries；　driving　it　to　deeds　it　had　doubtless　abhorred。
　Gentle　saw　the　tears　shining　in　the　mystif's　eyes　and　felt　its　suffering　like　a　hammer　pounding　at　his　heart。　He　hated　himself　then；　for　his　arrogance　and　his　carelessness；　for　not　seeing　the　harm　he　was　doing　a　creature　that　only　wanted　to　love　him　and　be　near　him。　And　he　longed　more　than　ever　to　be　reunited　with　Pie；　so　that　he　could　beg　forgiveness　for　this　cruelty。
　〃Make　me　forget；〃　he　said　again。　〃I　want　an　end　to　this。〃
　The　mystif　was　speaking；　Gentle　saw；　though　whatever　incantations　its　lips　shaped　were　spoken　in　a　voice　he　couldn't　hear。　The　breath　that　bore　them　made　the　flame　he'd　set　on　the　floor　flicker；　however；　and　as　the　mystif　instructed　its　master　in　forgetfulness　the　memories　went　out　with　the　flame。
　Gentle　rummaged　for　the　box　of　matches　and　struck　one；　using　its　light　to　find　the　smoking　wick；　then　reigniting　it。　But　the　night　of　storm　had　passed　back　into　history；　and　Pie　'oh'　pah；　beautiful；　obedient；　loving　Pie　'oh'　pah；　had　gone　with　it。　He　sat　down　in　front　of　the　candle　and　waited；　wondering　if　there　was　some　coda　to　e。　But　the　house　was　dead　from　cellar　to　eaves。
　〃So；〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃What　now；　Maestro？〃
　He　had　his　answer　from　his　stomach；　which　made　a　little　thunder　of　its　own。
　〃You　want　food？〃　he　asked　it；　and　it　gurgled　its　reply。　〃Me　too；〃　he　said。
　He　got　up　and　started　down　the　stairs；　preparing　himself　for　a　return　to　modernity。　As　he　reached　the　bottom；　however；　he　heard　something　scraping　across　the　bare　boards。　He　raised　the　candle；　and　his　voice。
　〃Who's　there？〃
　Neither　the　light　nor　his　demand　brought　an　answer。　But　the　sound　went　on；　and　others　joined　it；　none　of　them　pleasant：　a　low；　agonized　moan；　a　wet；　dragging　sound；　a　whistling　inhalation。　What　melodrama　was　his　memory　preparing　to　stage　for　him；　he　wondered；　that　had　need　of　these　hoary　devices？　They　might　have　inspired　fear　in　him　once　upon　a　time；　but　not　now。　He'd　seen　too　many　horrors　face　to　face　to　be　chilled　by　imitations。
　〃What's　this　about？〃　he　asked　the　shadows；　and　was　somewhat　surprised　to　have　his　question　answered。
　〃We've　waited　for　you　a　long　time；〃　a　wheezing　voice　told　him。
　〃Sometimes　we　thought　you'd　never　e　home；〃　another　said。　There　was　a　fluting　femininity　in　its　tone。
　Gentle　took　a　step　in　the　direction　of　the　woman；　and　the　rim　of　the　candle's　reach　touched　what　looked　to　be　the　hem　of　a　scarlet　skirt；　which　was　hastily　twitched　out　of　sight。　Where　it　had　lain；　the　bare　boards　shone　with　fresh　blood。　He　didn't　advance　any　further；　but　listened　for　another　pronouncement　from　the　shadows。　It　came　soon　enough。　Not　the　woman　this　time；　but　the　wheezer。
　〃The　fault　was　yours；〃　he　said。　〃But　the　pain's　been　ours。　All　these　years；　waiting　for　you。〃
　Though　corrupted　by　anguish；　the　voice　was　familiar。　He'd　heard　its　lilt　in　this　very　house。
　〃Is　that　Abelove？〃　he　said。
　〃Do　you　remember　the　maggot…pie？〃　the　man　said；　confirming　his　identity。　〃The　number　of　times　I've　thought：　That　was　my　error；　bringing　the　bird　into　the　house。　Tyrwhitt　would　have　no　part　of　it；　and　he　survived；　didn't　he？　He　died　in　his　dotage。　And　Roxborough；　and　Godolphin；　and　you。　All　of　you　lived　and　died　intact。　But　me；　I　just　suffered　here；　flying　against　the　glass　but　never　hard　enough　to　cease。〃　He　moaned；　and　though　his　rebuke　was　as　absurd　as　it　had　been　when　first　uttered；　this　time　Gentle　shuddered。　〃I'm　not　alone；　of　course；〃　Abelove　said。　〃Esther's　here。　And　Flores。　And　Byam…Shaw。　And　Bloxham's　brother…in…law；　do　you　remember　him？　So　there'll　be　plenty　of　pany　for　you。〃
　〃I'm　not　staying；〃　Gentle　said。
　〃Oh；　but　you　are；〃　said　Esther。　〃It's　the　least　you　can　do。〃
　〃Blow　out　the　candle；〃　Abelove　said。　〃Save　yourself　the　distress　of　seeing　us。　We'll　put　out　your　eyes；　and　you　can　live　with　us　blind。〃
　〃I'll　do　no　such　thing；〃　Gentle　said；　raising　the　light　so　that　it　cast　its　net　wider。
　They　appeared　at　its　farthest　edge；　their　viscera　catching　the　gleam。　What　he'd　taken　to　be　Esther's　skirt　was　a　train　of　tissue；　half　flayed　from　her　hip　and　thigh。　She　clutched　it　still；　pulling　it　up　around　her；　seeking　to　conceal　her　groin　from　him。　Her　decorum　was　absurd；　but　then　perhaps　his　reputation　as　a　womanizer　had　so　swelled　over　the　passage　of　the　years　that　she　believed　he　might　be　aroused　by　her；　even　in　this　appalling　state。　There　was　worse；　however。　Byam…Shaw　was　barely　recognizable　as　a　human　being；　and　Bloxham's　brother…in…law　looked　to　have　been　chewed　by　tigers。　But　whatever　their　condition　they　were　ready　for　reve