tg.stone of tears-第48章

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at　this　was　to　save　Richard。　She　didn't　know　any　other　way；　she　had　to　let　Denna　help；　if　she　could。　Kahlan　had　said　she　would　do　anything；　and　she　meant　it。　Even　if　it　was　not　to　try　to　kill　someone　who　was　already　dead。　Someone　she　wanted　to　kill　a　thousand　times　and　then　another　thousand。
　
　'Can　you　help　him？　Can　you　save　him？'
　
　'The　Keeper's　mark　has　been　placed　upon　him。　The　mark　will　take　the　holder　to　the　Keeper。　If　another's　hand　is　placed　over　the　mark；　it　will　transfer　to　them；　and　take　them　instead；　in　his　place。　Richard　will　not　then　be　pulled　to　the　Keeper。　He　will　live。'
　
　Kahlan　knew　in　that　instant　what　she　must　do。　Without　hesitation；　she　leaned　over　Richard；　stretching　her　hand　out。　Then　I　will　take　the　mark。　I　will　go　in　his　place　so　that　he　will　live。'　She　spread　her　fingers　to　match　the　black　mark。　Her　hand　was　only　a　scant　inch　above　it。
　
　'Kahlan；　don't　do　that。'
　
　She　looked　over　her　shoulder。　'Why？　If　it　will　save　him；　then　I　am　willing　to　go　in　his　place。'
　
　'I　know　you　are；　but　it　is　not　that　simple。　We　must　talk　first。　It　will　not　be　easy；　for　either　of　us。　It　will　hurt　both　of　us　to　really　help　him。'
　
　Kahlan　reluctantly　sat　back　down　and　nodded。　She　would　have　agreed　to　anything；　paid　any　price；　even　talking　to　this　。。。　woman。　She　put　a　hand　protectively　on　Richard　as　she　sat　facing　Denna。　'How　do　you　know　who　I　am？'
　
　Denna　grinned；　almost　laughed。　To　know　Richard　is　to　know　who　Kahlan　is。'
　
　'He　told　you　about　me？'
　
　Denna's　smile　faded。　'In　a　way。　I　heard　your　name　countless　times。　When　I　hurt　him　until　he　was　delirious；　he　cried　your　name。　Never　another。　Not　his　mother's；　nor　his　father's。　Only　yours。　I　hurt　him　until　he　didn't　know　his　own　name；　but　he　always　knew　yours。　I　knew　he　would　find　a　way　to　be　with　you　despite　your　Confessor's　power。'　A　little　of　her　smile　came　back。　'I　think　Richard　could　find　a　way　to　make　the　sun　rise　at　midnight。'
　
　'Why　are　you　telling　me　this？'
　
　'Because　I　am　going　to　ask　you　to　help　him；　and　I　want　you　to　understand　exactly　how　much　you　will　be　hurting　him　before　you　agree　to　it。　You　must　understand　what　it　is　you　will　have　to　do　in　order　to　save　him。　I　won't　trick　you　into　doing　it。　It　must　be　with　your　full　knowledge。　Only　in　that　way　will　you　know　how　to　save　him。　If　you　don't　understand；　you　could　fail。
　
　'He　is　in　danger　from　more　than　this　mark。　He　is　sick　with　a　madness；　madness　I　put　there。　It　will　kill　him　as　surely　as　will　the　Keeper's　mark。'
　
　'Richard　is　probably　the　most　sane　person　I　know。　He　has　no　madness。　It　is　the　mark　we　must　remove。'
　
　'He　is　marked　in　other　ways：　he　has　the　gift。　I　knew　from　the　moment　he　came　to　kill　me。　I　can　see　it　in　him　now；　the　aura　of　it。　I　know　it　is　killing　him；　and　I　know　his　time　is　very　short。　I　don't　know　how　long；　only　that　there　is　not　much　time　left。　We　can't　save　him　from　the　Keeper　just　to　have　him　die　anyway　from　the　gift。'
　
　Kahlan　nodded　as　she　wiped　her　nose　on　the　back　of　her　hand。　The　Sisters　of　the　Light　say　they　can　save　him。　They　say　he　must　put　a　collar　on　to　save　himself。　Richard　will　not　put　it　on。　He　told　me　what　you　did　to　him；　why　he　won't　wear　a　collar。　But　Richard　is　not　crazy。　He　will　see　in　the　end　what　must　be　done；　and　do　it。　That　is　the　way　he　is。　He　will　see　the　truth。'
　
　Denna　shook　her　head。　'What　he　told　you　does　not　scratch　the　surface　of　it。　You　cannot　imagine　what　he　has　not　told　you。　I　know　his　madness。　He　will　not　tell　you　the　rest　of　it。　I　must。'
　
　Kahlan's　anger　boiled。　'I　don't　think　it　would　be　wise　for　you　to　tell　me。　If　he　doesn't　want　to　tell　me；　then　I　don't　think　I　should　know　it。'
　
　'You　must。　You　must　understand　him　if　you　are　to　help　him。　In　some　ways；　I　understand　him　better　than　you。　I　have　taken　him　to　the　edge　of　madness；　and　beyond。　I　have　seen　him　in　a　wasteland　of　insanity。
　
　'I　have　stood　over　him　and　held　him　there。'
　
　Kahlan　glared。　She　recognized　the　look　in　Denna's　eyes　when　she　looked　at　Richard。　She　didn't　trust　her。　'You　love　him。'
　
　Denna　stared　at　her。　'He　loves　you。　I　used　that　love　to　hurt　him。　I　took　him　to　the　brink　of　death　and　held　him　there；　on　the　cusp。　Others　would　bring　a　man　to　the　edge　faster；　but　they　couldn't　hold　him　there。　They　always　went　one　step　too　far；　too　quickly；　and　killed　them；　ending　it　before　they　could　extract　the　most　exquisite　pain；　inflict　the　crudest　of　the　insanity。　Darken　Rahl　chose　me　because　I　had　a　talent　for　keeping　them　alive　and　giving　them　that　pain；　and　then　more；　and　then　even　more。　Darken　Rahl　himself　taught　me。
　
　'I　had　to　sit　for　hours；　sometimes；　and　wait；　knowing　that　if　I　touched　him　just　once　more　with　the　Agiel；　it　would　be　one　touch　too　many；　it　would　kill　him。　As　I　sat；　waiting　for　him　to　recover　enough　so　that　I　might　hurt　him　more；　he　would　whisper　your　name；　over　and　over；　for　hours。　He　wasn't　even　aware　he　was　doing　it。
　
　'You　were　the　thread　that　kept　him　alive。　It　was　the　one　thread　that　allowed　me　to　give　him　that　extra　pain。　Allowed　me　to　take　him　further　toward　death；　deeper　into　madness。　I　used　his　love　for　you　to　punish　him　beyond　anything　otherwise　possible。
　
　'As　I　would　sit　there；　listening　to　him　whisper　your　name；　I　wished　it　would　once；　just　once；　have　been　my　name　he　called　out。　It　never　was。　I　hurt　him　more　for　that　than　for　anything　else。'
　
　Tears　ran　down　Kahlan's　cheeks；　falling　from　her　face。　'Please；　Denna；　I　don't　want　to　hear　any　more。　I　can't　bear　to　hear　any　more　…　to　know　I　made　it　possible　for　you　to　do　what　you　did。'
　
　'You　must。　I　have　not　yet　even　begun　to　tell　you　what　you　must　hear　if　you　want　to　help　him。　You　must　understand　how　I　used　magic　against　him；　why　he　hates　the　magic　within　himself。　I　understand；　because　what　I　did　to　him　was　also　done　to　me；　by　Darken　Rahl。'
　
　As　Kahlan　sat　shaking；　staring　blankly　at　nothing；　almost　in　a　trance；　Denna　began　telling　her　what　she　had　done　to　Richard。　How　she　used　the　Agiel。　She　flinched　at　the　description　of　every　kind　of　touch；　at　everything　it　could　do。
　
　Kahlan　remembered　all　too　well　what　its　touch　felt　like；　the　maddening　pain。　She　learned　that　what　she　had　felt　was　the　least　of　it。
　
　She　cried　as　Denna　told　her　how　Richard　had　hung　in　shackles　as　she　pulled　his　head　back　by　his　hair　and　made　him　stay　perfectly　still　while　she　pushed　the　Agiel　in　his　ear；　or　risk　damage　inside　his　head。　And　how　he　had　been　able　to　do　it　because　of　his　love　for　Kahlan。　She　shook；　when　she　heard　the　horrifying　description　of　what　it　did　to　him；　what　the　magic　did　to　him；　what　his　own　magic　did　to　him。　She　couldn't　look　at　Denna　as　the　other　spoke。　Couldn't　meet　her　eyes。　And　that　was　only　the　beginning。
　
　She　clutched　her　stomach　and　held　a　trembling　hand　to　her　mouth　to　keep　from　vomiting　as　Denna　described　one　unspeakable　act　after　another。　Kahlan　couldn't　make　herself　stop　crying。　She　gagged　as　she　closed　her　eyes　tight。
　
　As　she　listened；　she　prayed　to　the　good　spirits　that　Denna　wouldn't　tell　her　the　one　thing　she　knew　she　couldn't　bear　to　hear。
　
　But　then　Denna　told　her。　Told　her　what　a　Mord…Sith　did　to　her　mate；　why　their　mates　didn't　live　long。　Every　intimate　detail。　And　what　she　had　done　to　Richard　that　she　had　done　to　no　other　mate。
　
　With　a　wail；　Kahlan　turned　away；　crawled　a　short　distance；　and　started　throwing　up。　With　one　hand　holding　herself　up；　and　the　other　across　her　abdomen；　she　cried　and　heaved　and　gagged。　Denna's　hands　were　there；　holding　her　hair　back　as　Kahlan　emptied　the　contents　of　her　stomach　onto　the　dirt。　She　vomited　until　her　insides　were　heaved　dry。
　
　She　felt　Denna's　warm　tingling　touch　on　her　back。　She　wanted　to　call　forth　the　lightning；　but　was　too　sick　to　find　the　power。　She　was　torn　between　wanting　to　throw　herself　on　Richard　and　fort　him；　and　ripping　this　woman　apart　with　the　magic　of　the　Con　Dar；　the　Blood　Rage。
　
　Between　gagging；　and　panting；　and　crying；　Kahlan　managed　to　get　the　words　out。　'Take　。。。　your　hands　。。。　off　me。'　The　hand　holding　her　hair　slipped　away。　The　one　on　her　back　lifted。　Her　stomach　heaved　again　in　a　dry　convulsion。　'How　many　times　did　you　do　that　to　him？'
　
　'Enough。　It　does　not　matter。'
　
　Kahlan　turned　in　a　rage；　clenching　her　fists　as　she　screamed。　'How　many　times！'
　
　Denna's　voice　was　soft　and　calm。　'I'm　sorry；　Kahlan；　I　don't　know。　I　didn't　keep　a　tally。　But　he　was　with　me　a　long　time。　Longer　than　any　other　mate。　I　did　it　almost　every　night。　The　things　I　did；　I　did　to　no　other；　because　none　had　the　strength　Richard　did；　the　strength　of　his　love　for　you。　The　others　would　have　died　the　first　time。　He　fought　me；　for　a　long　time。　I　did　it　enough；　that's　all。　Enough。'
　
　'Enough！　Enough　for　what！'
　
　'Enough　to　drive　a　part　of　him　mad。'
　
　'He's　not　mad！　He's　not！　He's　not！'
　
　Denna　watched　as　Kahlan　shook　with　pain　and　rage。　'Kahlan；　listen　to　me。　Anyone　else　would　have　been　broken　by　what　I　did。　Richard　saved　himself　by　partitioning　his　mind。　He　locked　the　core　of　himself　away　where　I　couldn't　get　to　it；　where　the　magic　couldn't　get　to　it。　He　used　the　gift　to　do　that。　It　saved　the　core　of　himself　from　the　insanity。　But　in　the　darkest　corners　of　his　mind　lurks　madness。　I　used　his　magic　against　him；　to　drive　him　insane。　He　couldn't　protect　all　of　himself　from　the　things　I　did。
　
　'I　told　you　what　I　did　so　you　could　see　the　truth　of　his　madness。　He　had　to　sacrifice　that　part　to　save　the　rest。　To　save　the　rest　for　you。　I　wish　I　could　have　done　the　same　when　it　was　done　to　me。'
　
　Kahlan　lifted　Richard's　hand　in　hers；　holding　the　back　of　it　to　her　heart。　'How　could　you　do　those　things？'　she　cried。　'Oh；　my　poor　Richard。　How　could　you？　How　could　you　do　that　to　anyone？'
　
　'We　all　have　our　own　little　bits　of　insanity。　Some　more　than　others。　My　life　was　a　darkness　of　it。'
　
　'Then　how　could　you！　How　could　you；　knowing　what　it　was　like！'
　
　Denna　watched　her　from　under　her　eyebrows。　'You　have　done　terrible　things　too。　You　have　used　your　power　to　hurt　people。'
　
　'But　they　were　people　guilty　of　horrible　crimes！'
　
　'All　of　them？'　she　asked　quietly。　'Every　one？'
　
　Kahlan's　breath　caught　with　the　memory　of　using　her　power　against　Brophy。
　
　'No；'　she　whispered。　'But　I　didn't　do　it　because　I　wanted　to。　I　had　to。　It　is　my　job。　Who　I　am。　What　I　am。'
　
　'But　you　did　it。　And　what　of　Demmin　Nass？'
　
　The　words　cut　through　her。　Her　mind　flooded　with　the　memory；　the　sweet　memory；　of　castrating　that　beast　of　a　man。　She　sank　forward　with　a　wail。　'Oh；　dear　spirits；　am　I　no　better　than　you？'
　
　'We　all　do　what　we　must；　whatever　the　reasons。'　Her　glowing；　diaphanous　fingers　lifted　Kahlan's　chin。　'I　do　not　tell　you　these　things　to　hurt　you；　Kahlan。　The　telling　of　them　wounds　me　more　than　you　can　know。　I　tell　you　because　I　want　to　save　Richard；　so　that　he　doesn't　die　before　his　rightful　time；　and　so　that　the　Keeper　does　not　escape。'
　
　Kahlan　clutched　Richard's　hand　tighter　to　her　breast　as　she　wept。　'I'm　sorry；　Denna　。。。　but　I　don't　have　it　in　me　to　forgive　you。　I　know　Richard　does　。。。　but　I　do　not。　I　hate　you。'
　
　'I　would　not　expect　you　to　forgive　me。　I　only　wish　you　to　understand　the　truth　of　what　I　am　telling　you；　the　truth　of　Richard's　madness。'