iancaldwell&dustinthomason.theruleoffour-第21章

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　〃I　came　in　late；〃　he　announces。　〃Can　I　get　a　recap？〃
　Of　all　the　odd　things　about　Charlie；　the　oddest　is　how　he　can　be　a　fearless　gladiator　among　men；　but　a　blithering　clod　around　women。
　〃A　recap？〃　Katie　says；　entertained。
　He　plunks　a　petit　four　into　his　mouth；　then　another；　scanning　the　crowd　for　prospects。　〃You　know。　How　classes　are　going。　Who's　dating　who。　What　you're　doing　next　year。　The　usual。〃
　Katie　smiles。　〃Classes　are　fine；　Charlie。　Tom　and　I　are　still　dating。〃　She　gives　him　a　reproving　look。　〃And　I'm　only　going　to　be　a　junior。　I'll　still　be　here　next　year。〃
　〃Ah；〃　Charlie　says；　because　he　has　never　remembered　her　age。　Producing　a　cookie　from　his　gallon…size　hands；　he　searches　for　the　right　conversational　idiom　between　a　sophomore　and　a　senior。　〃Junior　year　is　probably　the　hardest；〃　he　says；　opting　for　the　worst　one：　advice。　〃Two　junior　papers。　Prereqs　for　your　major。　And　long　distance　with　this　guy；〃　he　says；　pointing　at　me　with　one　hand；　feeding　with　the　other。　〃Not　easy。〃　He　rolls　his　tongue　through　his　cheek；　savoring　the　taste　of　everything　he's　got　in　his　mouth；　ruminating　our　future　besides。　〃Can't　say　I'm　jealous。〃
　He　pauses；　giving　us　time　to　digest。　In　a　miracle　of　economy；　Charlie　has　made　things　worse　in　less　than　twenty　words。
　〃Do　you　wish　you'd　been　able　to　run　tonight？〃　he　says　now。
　Katie；　still　hoping　for　a　silver　lining；　waits　for　him　to　explain。　More　accustomed　to　the　way　his　mind　works；　I　know　better。
　〃The　Nude　Olympics；〃　he　says；　ignoring　my　signal　to　change　the　subject。　〃Don't　you　wish　you　could've　run？〃
　The　question　is　a　masterstroke。　I　can　see　it　ing；　but　I'm　powerless　to　defend　against　it。　To　show　his　grasp　of　the　fact　that　Katie　is　a　sophomore；　and　possibly　of　the　fact　that　she　lives　in　Holder；　Charlie　is　asking　if　my　girlfriend　is　upset　because　she　couldn't　parade　naked　in　front　of　the　rest　of　campus　tonight。　The　underlying　pliment；　I　think；　is　that　a　woman　with　Katie's　physical　assets　must　be　dying　to　show　them　off。　Charlie　seems　to　have　no　premonition　of　the　myriad　ways　this　could　go　wrong。
　Katie's　face　tightens；　spotting　his　train　of　thought　a　mile　down　the　tracks。　〃Why？　Should　I　be？〃
　〃There　just　aren't　a　lot　of　sophomores　I　know　who　would　pass　up　the　chance；〃　he　says。　And　from　his　more　diplomatic　tone；　he　must　sense　that　he's　misstepped。
　〃What　chance　would　that　be？〃　Katie　presses。
　I　try　to　help　him；　searching　for　euphemisms　of　drunken　nudity；　but　my　mind　is　a　flock　of　pigeons；　fluttering　away。　All　my　thoughts　are　shit　and　feathers。
　〃The　chance　to　shed　their　clothes　once　in　four　years？〃　Charlie　fumbles。
　Slowly；　Katie　looks　both　of　us　over。　Sizing　up　Charlie's　steam…tunnel　attire；　and　my　back…of…the…closet　outfit；　she　wastes　no　words。
　〃Well；　then；　I　guess　we're　even。　Because　there　aren't　a　lot　of　seniors　I　know　who　would　pass　up　the　chance　to　change　their　clothes　once　in　four　years。〃
　I　fight　the　impulse　to　press　at　the　wrinkles　in　my　shirt。
　Charlie；　reading　the　leaves；　ducks　out　for　another　pass　at　the　table。　His　job　here　is　done。
　〃You　guys　are　a　couple　of　real　charmers；〃　Katie　says。　〃You　know　that？〃
　She　tries　to　sound　amused；　but　there's　a　hint　of　heaviness　she　can't　hide。　She　reaches　up　and　runs　her　fingers　through　my　hair；　trying　to　change　things；　when　an　Ivy　woman　arrives　before　us；　arm　in　arm　with　Gil。　From　the　apologetic　look　on　his　face；　I　understand　that　this　is　the　Kelly　he　told　us　to　avoid。
　〃Tom；　you　know　Kelly　Danner；　don't　you？〃
　Before　I　can　say　that　I　don't；　Kelly's　face　fills　with　rage。　She's　focused　on　something　in　the　far　corner　of　the　courtyard。
　〃Those　stupid　shits；〃　she　curses；　throwing　her　paper　cup　to　the　ground。　〃I　knew　they　would　try　to　pull　something　like　this　tonight。〃
　We　all　turn。　There；　marching　toward　us　from　the　direction　of　the　eating　clubs；　es　a　troupe　of　men　in　tunics　and　togas。
　Charlie　hoots；　stepping　toward　us　for　a　better　view。
　〃Tell　them　to　get　out　of　here；〃　Kelly　demands；　to　no　one　in　particular。
　The　group　es　into　focus　through　the　snow。　Now　it's　clear　that　this　is　just　what　Kelly　feared：　a　choreographed　stunt。　Each　toga　bears　a　series　of　letters　across　its　chest；　written　in　two　distinct　rows。　Though　I　can't　make　out　the　lower　row　yet；　the　top　one　is　posed　of　two　letters：　〃T。I。〃
　T。I。　is　the　mon　abbreviation　for　Tiger　Inn；　the　third　oldest　of　the　eating　clubs；　and　the　only　place　on　campus　where　the　lunatics　run　the　asylum。　Rarely　does　Ivy　seem　so　vulnerable　as　when　T。I。　conceives　of　a　new　practical　joke　to　try　on　its　venerable　sister　club。　Tonight　is　the　perfect　opportunity。
　Stray　laughter　breaks　out　in　the　courtyard；　but　I　have　to　squint　to　see　why。　The　entire　group　has　disguised　itself　in　long　gray　beards　and　wigs。　All　around　us；　the　closest　tents　are　flooding　with　students　clamoring　for　a　view。
　After　a　brief　huddle；　the　men　from　T。I。　unravel　themselves　into　a　long；　single　line。　As　they　do；　I　finally　make　out　the　second　row　of　words　written　across　each　toga。　Every　man's　chest　bears　a　single　word；　and　every　word；　I　see；　is　a　name。　The　name　on　the　tallest　of　them；　standing　in　the　middle；　is　Jesus。　To　his　left　and　right　are　the　twelve　apostles；　six　on　each　side。
　Already　the　laughter　and　cheers　have　grown　louder。
　Kelly　clenches　her　jaw。　I　can't　tell　from　Gil's　expression　whether　he's　trying　to　stifle　his　amusement　so　as　not　to　offend　her；　or　trying　to　create　the　impression　that　he's　entertained　by　it；　when　he's　not。
　The　Jesus　figure　steps　forward　from　the　row　and　raises　his　arms　to　silence　the　audience。　Once　the　courtyard　is　quiet；　he　steps　back；　utters　some　mand；　and　the　entire　line　breaks　into　choral　formation。　Jesus　conducts　from　the　side。　Producing　a　pitch　pipe　from　his　toga；　he　blows　a　single　note。　The　sitting　row　responds　by　humming　it。　The　kneeling　row　joins　in　with　a　perfect　third。　Finally；　just　as　the　two　rows　seem　to　be　losing　their　breath；　the　standing　apostles　contribute　a　fifth。
　The　crowd；　impressed　by　the　preparation　that　has　gone　into　this；　claps　and　cheers　once　more。
　〃Nice　toga！〃　someone　in　a　nearby　tent　yells。
　Jesus　swivels　his　head；　raises　an　eyebrow　in　the　direction　of　the　sound；　and　returns　to　conducting。　Finally；　raising　his　conductor's　baton　three　times　in　the　air　with　a　flick　of　the　wrist；　he　throws　his　arms　back　theatrically；　sweeps　them　forward　again；　and　the　chorus　explodes　into　song。　Their　voices；　to　the　tune　of　the　〃Battle　Hymn　of　the　Republic；〃　carry　through　the　courtyard。
　
　We've　e　to　tell　the　story　of　the　college　of　the　Lord；
　But　the　grapes　of　wrath　fermented　in　the　vintage　where　
　they're　stored；
　So　excuse　us　if　we're　all　a　little　drunk　out　of　our　gourd。
　We　saints　go　marching　on。
　
　Glory；　Glory；　we're　the　fossils
　Of　all　the　Nazarene　apostles。
　If　it　weren't　for　Christ　we'd　be
　Just　fishermen　from　Galilee；
　So　listen　to　our　tale。
　
　Now；　Jesus　was　your　average　ancient　Middle　Eastern　male。
　He　went　to　public　school；　but　had　a　special　holy　grail：
　He'd　rather　burn　in　hell　than　go　to　Harvard　or　to　Yale；
　So　the　choice　was　pretty　clear。
　
　Glory；　Glory；　God　convinced　Him；
　Jesus　Christ；　He　went　to　Princeton。
　He　made　the　right　decision
　When　he　majored　in　Religion
　And　the　rest　is　history。
　
　So　Christ　arrived　on　campus　in　the　fall　of　year　18；
　The　Biggest　Man　on　Campus　that　the　world　had　ever　seen。
　It　made　the　other　eating　clubs　turn　jealous　Ivy　green
　When　Jesus　chose　T。I。
　
　Now　two　apostles　from　the　first　row　stand　and　step　forward。　The　first　unravels　a　scroll　that　reads　〃Ivy〃　and　the　second　unravels　one　that　reads　〃Cottage。〃　After　thrusting　their　noses　in　the　air　at　one　another　and　prancing　self…importantly　around　Jesus；　the　song　continues。
　
　Chorus：　Glory；　Glory；　Jesus　bickered；
　All　the　snooty　heathens　snickered。
　Ivy：　We　couldn't　take　a　Jew；
　Cottage：　A　carpenter　won't　do；
　Chorus：　So　the　Lord；　He　joined　T。I。
　
　Kelly　clenches　her　fists　so　tightly　she　almost　draws　blood。
　Now　the　twelve　apostles　emerge　from　the　choral　formation　into　a　kick　line　and；　with　Jesus　at　the　center；　lock　arms；　pump　their　legs　deftly　into　the　air；　and　conclude：
　
　Jesus；　Jesus；　He's　a　fun　guy。
　Thanks　to　Him　we're　all　alumni。
　There's　nothing　so　divine
　As　turning　water　into　wine；
　His　truth　is　marching　on。
　
　With　that；　all　thirteen　men　turn　around　and；　with　choreographed　precision；　raise　the　backs　of　their　togas　to　reveal　a　message　written　across　their　buttocks；　one　letter　per　cheek：
　
　HAPPY　EASTER　FROM　THE　TIGER　INN
　A　rowdy　bination　of　wild　clapping；　boisterous　cheering；　and　stray　boos　ensues。　Then；　just　as　the　thirteen　men　are　preparing　to　leave；　a　loud　cracking　sound　es　from　across　the　courtyard；　followed　by　the　crash　of　glass　breaking。
　Heads　turn　in　the　direction　of　the　noise。　On　the　top　story　of　Dickinson；　the　history　department　building；　a　light　flickers　on；　then　off。　One　of　the　windowpanes　has　been　shattered。　In　the　darkness；　I　can　see　movement。
　A　T。I。　apostle　begins　to　cheer　loudly。
　〃What's　going　on？〃　I　ask。　Squinting；　I　can　make　out　a　person　near　the　broken　glass。
　〃This　isn't　funny；〃　Kelly　growls　at　Judas；　who　has　drifted　within　earshot。
　He　snubs　his　nose。
　〃What's　he　doing？〃　she　demands；　pointing　at　the　window。
　Judas　thinks　for　a　second。
　〃He's　going　to　piss。〃　He　laughs　tipsily；　then　repeats；　〃He's　going　to　piss　out　the　window。〃
　Kelly　storms　after　the　Jesus　figure。
　〃What　the　hell's　going　on；　Derek？〃　she　says。
　The　figure　in　the　office　appears；　then　vanishes。　From　his　jerkiness　I　sense　he's　drunk。　At　one　moment　he　seems　to　be　pawing　the　broken　glass；　then　he　disappears。
　〃I　think　there's　someone　else　up　there；〃　Charlie　says。
　Suddenly　the　entire　body　of　the　man　es　into　view。　He's　backed　against　the　lead　panes　of　the　window。
　〃He's　gonna　piss；〃　Judas　repeats。
　From　the　remaining　apostles　there　arises　a　sloppy　cry　of　〃Jump！　Jump！〃
　Kelly　wheels　on　them。　〃Shut　up；　goddamn　it！　Go　get　him　down！〃
　Again　the　man　disappears　from　sight。
　〃I　don't　think　he's　from　T。I。；〃　Charlie　says　with　concern。　〃I　think　that's　some　drunk　guy　from　the　Nude　Olympics。〃
　But　the　man　was　wearing　clothes。　I　look　into　the　darkness；　trying　to　make　out　the　shapes。　This　time；　the　man　doesn't　return。
　Beside　me；　the　stewed　apostles　boo。
　〃Jump！〃　one　of　them　cries　again；　but　Derek　pushes　him　back　and　tells　him　to　stay　quiet。
　〃Get　the　hell　out　of　here；〃　Kelly　orders。
　〃Easy；　girl；〃　Derek　says；　and　begins　rounding　up　the　stray　disciples。
　Gil　watches　all　of　this　with　the　same　inscrutable　look　of　amusement　he　was　wearing　when　the　men　first　arrived。　Glancing　at　his　watch；　he　says；　〃Well；　looks　like　we've　sucked　all　the　fun　out　of　thi…〃
　〃Holy　shit！〃　Charlie　cries。
　His　voice　nearly　drowns　out　the　echo　of　the　second　cracking　sound。　This　time　I　hear　the　report　clearly。　It's　a　gunshot。
　Gil　and　I　turn　just　in　time　to　see　it。　The　man　explodes　backward　through　the　glass；　and　for　a　matter　of　seconds　he　stays　frozen　in　free　fall。　With　a　muted　thud；　his　body　hits　the　snow；　and　the　impact　sucks　all　the　noise　and　motion　from　the　courtyard。
　Then　there　is　nothing。
　　
　The　first　thing　I　remember　is　the　sound　of　Charlie's　feet　as　he　dashes　toward　the　body　in　the　snow。　Then　a　large　crowd　follows；　converging　around　the　scene；　blo