cb.coldheart canyon-第44章

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　EIGHT
　 〃I'm　hungry；〃　Tammy　told　Zeffer。　〃Can't　we　get　some　food　from　the　house　before　we　leave？〃
　 〃You　really　want　to　find　Todd；〃　Zeffer　said。　〃Admit　it。〃
　 〃No；　I　don't　care。〃　She　stopped　herself　in　mid…lie。　〃Well；　maybe　a　little；〃　she　said。　〃I　just　want　to　check　that　he's　all　right。〃
　 〃I　can　tell　you　the　answer　to　that。　He's　not　all　right。　He's　with　her。　Frankly；　that　means　you　may　as　well　forget　about　him。　When　Katya　wants　a　man　Katya　gets　him。〃
　 〃Were　you　married　to　her？〃
　 〃I　was　married　when　I　met　Katya；　but　I　never　became　her　husband。　She　never　wanted　me。　I　was　just　there　to　serve　her；　right　from　the　start。　To　make　her　life　easier。　Todd's　a　different　story。　She's　going　to　suck　him　dry。〃
　 〃Like　a　vampire；　you　mean？〃　Tammy　said。　After　all　she'd　seen　the　idea　didn't　seem　so　preposterous。
　 〃She's　not　the　kind　who　takes　your　blood。　She's　the　kind　who　takes　your　soul。〃
　 〃But　she　hasn't　got　Todd　yet；　has　she？〃　Tammy　said。　〃I　mean；　he　could　still　leave　if　he　wanted　to。〃
　 〃I　suppose　he　could；〃　Zeffer　said；　his　voice　laced　with　doubt。　〃But；　Tammy；　I　have　to　ask　you：　why　do　you　care　about　this　man　so　much？　What's　he　ever　done　for　you？〃
　 It　took　Tammy　a　few　moments　to　muster　a　reply。　〃I　suppose　if　you　look　at　it　that　way；　he　hasn't　done　anything。。。tangible。　He's　a　movie　star；　and　I'm　one　of　his　fans。　But　I　swear；　Willem；　if　he　hadn't　been　around　over　the　last　few　years　I　would　have　had　nothing　to　live　for。〃
　 〃You　would　have　had　your　own　life。　Your　marriage。　You're　clearly　a　sensible　woman…〃
　 〃I　never　wanted　to　be　sensible。　I　never　really　wanted　to　be　a　wife。　I　mean；　I　loved　Arnie；　I　still　do　I　suppose；　but　it's　not　a　grand　passion　or　anything。　It　was　more　a　convenience　thing。　It　made　things　easy　when　tax…time　came　around。〃
　 〃So　what　did　you　really　want　for　yourself！〃
　 〃For　myself？　You　won't　laugh？　I　wanted　to　be　the　kind　of　woman　who　es　into　a　room　and　instantly　everybody's　got　something　to　say　about　her。　That's　what　I　wanted。〃
　 〃So　you　wanted　to　be　famous？〃
　 〃I　guess　that　was　part　of　it。〃
　 〃You　should　ask　Katya　about　fame。　She's　always　said　it　was　overrated。〃
　 〃How　did　we　get　off　the　subject　of　Todd？〃
　 〃Because　it's　impossible　to　help　him。〃
　 〃Let　me　just　go　into　the　house　and　talk　to　him　for　a　while。　And　maybe　get　something　to　eat　while　I'm　there。〃
　 〃Haven't　you　seen　enough　of　this　place　to　be　afraid　of　it　yet？〃　Zeffer　said。
　 〃I'm　almost　past　being　afraid；〃　Tammy　replied。　It　was　the　truth。　She'd　seen　her　share　of　horrors；　but　she'd　lived　to　tell　the　tale。
　 They　were　twenty　yards　from　one　of　the　several　staircases　that　ran　up　from　the　garden　into　the　house。
　 〃Please；〃　she　said　to　Zeffer。　〃I　just　want　to　go　inside　and　warn　him。　If　that　doesn't　work；　I'll　leave　and　I'll　never　look　back；　I　swear。〃
　 Zeffer　seemed　to　sense　the　power　of　her　will　on　the　subject。　He　put　up　no　further　protest　but　simply　said：　〃You　realize　if　you　get　in　Katya's　way；　I　can't　step　in　to　help　you？　I　have　my　own　allegiances；　however　foolish　you　may　think　they　are。〃
　 〃Then　I'll　make　sure　I　don't　get　in　her　way；〃　Tammy　said。
　 〃I'm　not　even　supposed　to　go　into　the　house；　believe　it　or　not。〃
　 〃Not　allowed　on　the　furniture；　either？〃
　 〃If　you're　saying　I'm　little　better　than　her　dog；　you're　right。　But　it's　my　life。　I　made　my　choices　just　as　you　made　yours。〃　He　sighed。　〃There　are　some　days　when　I　think　hard　about　killing　myself。　Just　to　be　free　of　her。　But　it　might　not　work。　I　might　slit　my　throat　and　wake　up　back　where　I　started；　her　dead　dog　instead　of　her　living　one。〃
　 Tammy's　gaze　slid　past　him　to　study　the　luminous　people　playing　between　the　trees。　The　sight　should　have　astonished　her；　but　she'd　seen　too　much　in　the　last　little　while　for　this　to　impress　her　much。　The　scene　before　her　was　just　another　piece　of　the　Canyon's　mystery。
　 〃Are　they　all　dead？〃　she　asked；　in　the　same　matter…of…fact　way　she'd　sustained　through　much　of　their　exchange。
　 〃All　dead。　You　want　to　go　look？〃　He　studied　her　hesitation。　〃You　do　but　you　don't　want　to　admit　to　it。　It's　all　right。　There's　a　little　voyeur　in　everybody。　If　there　wasn't　there'd　be　no　such　thing　as　cinema。〃　He　turned　and　looked　towards　the　flickering　figures　weaving　between　the　trees。　〃She　used　to　have　orgies　all　the　time　in　the　Golden　Age；　and　I　liked　nothing　better　than　to　pick　my　way　amongst　the　configurations　and　watch。〃
　 〃But　not　now？〃

　 〃No。　There's　only　so　much　human　intercourse　anyone　can　watch。〃
　 〃Do　they　look　horrible？〃
　 〃Oh　no。　They　look　the　way　they　looked　at　the　height　of　their　beauty；　because　that's　the　way　they　want　to　remember　themselves。　Perfect；　forever。　Or　at　least　for　as　long　as　God　allows　this　place　to　last。〃
　 Tammy　caught　the　apocalyptic　undertone　in　this。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　she　said。
　 〃That　sooner　or　later　there'll　be　an　end　to　this　endless　indulgence。　A　Day　of　Judgment；　if　you　will。　And　I　think…〃　he　dropped　his　voice　to　a　whisper；　though　there　was　no　one　nearby　〃…you　may　be　its　Deliverer。〃
　 〃Me？〃　She　also　dropped　her　voice；　〃Why　me？〃
　 〃It's　just　a　hunch。　A　piece　of　wishful　thinking　if　you　like。　They've　had　their　time。　And　I　think　some　of　them　know　it。　They're　a　little　more　desperate　than　they　used　to　be。　A　little　more　shrill。〃
　 〃Why　don't　they　just　leave！〃
　 〃Ah。　We　had　to　e　to　that　at　last。　The　reason's　very　plex；　and　to　tell　you　the　truth　I　would　not　really　know　where　to　begin。　Let　me　put　it　this　way。　They　are　afraid　that　if　they　leave　this　Canyon　they　may　break　the　spell　that　keeps　them　in　their　strange　state　of　perfection。〃
　 〃And　do　you　believe　that？〃
　 〃Yes；　I　believe　it。　They're　prisoners　here。　Beautiful　prisoners。〃
　
　 A　few　minutes　after　Katya　and　Todd　had　left　the　party　out　on　the　night…lawn；　a　whisper　went　amongst　the　revenants；　and　one　by　one　they　gave　up　their　pleasures；　whatever　they'd　been；　and　turned　their　hollow　gazes　towards　the　house。
　 There　are　only　so　many　times　you　can　play　out　the　old　flesh　games　without　losing　interest　in　them。　Yes；　you　could　add　piquancy　if　you　introduced　a　whip；　or　some　rope；　you　could　mate　with　somebody　of　your　own　sex　（or；　if　that　was　what　you'd　done　in　your　lifetime；　with　somebody　of　the　opposite　gender）。　But　all　of　it　grew　wearying　with　repetition。　No　feast　can　ever　be　so　tempting　that　finally　the　act　of　eating　doesn't　lose　its　appeal。　Sooner　or　later　even　the　most　ambitious　glutton　must　crawl　away　and　seek　the　solace　of　the　vomitorium。
　 It　was　the　same　for　the　ghosts。　They'd　been　here　in　the　presence　of　their　own　perfection　for　decades；　and　now　it　meant　nothing　to　them。　They'd　seen　that　beauty　denied　and　debauched；　they'd　seen　it　locked　in　every　configuration　lust　could　devise；　and　there　was　nothing　left　to　surprise　them。　The　presence　of　living　flesh；　in　the　form　of　Todd　Pickett；　might　momentarily　re…ignite　some　old　flames；　but　the　conflagration　quickly　died　away　once　he　was　removed　from　their　pany。
　 Now　their　eyes　went　to　the　house；　and　though　they　said　nothing；　the　same　thought　went　through　all　their　melancholy　heads。
　 Maybe　tonight；　something　would　change。　Maybe　tonight；　with　this　man　in　her　pany；　the　Queen　of　Sorrows　would　make　a　mistake。。。
　 A　few　of　them　began　to　move　in　the　general　direction　of　the　house；　attempting　to　seem　casual；　but　fixing　their　silvery　eyes　on　their　destination。
　 A　bank　of　cloud　had　e　in　off　the　Pacific　and　covered　both　moon　and　stars。　On　the　ridge　of　the　opposite　side　of　the　Canyon　some　of　the　grotesque　offspring　of　these　weary　beauties　began　a　wordless　howling　in　the　darkness。　The　sound　was　loud　enough　to　carry　down　the　hill　to　Sunset　and　the　Beverly　Hill　flats。　Several　valets　parking　cars　for　a　private　party　on　Rexford　Drive　paused　to　ment　on　the　weird　din　from　up　in　the　hills；　a　couple　of　patients；　close　to　death　at　Cedars…Sinai；　called　for　their　priests；　a　man　who　lived　next　door　to　the　house　on　Van　Nuys　where　Lyle　and　Eric　Menendez　had　murdered　their　mother　and　father；　decided…hearing　the　sound…to　give　up　screenwriting　and　move　back　to　Wisconsin。
　
　 Todd　heard　it　too；　of　course。
　 〃What　in　God's　name　is　that？〃
　 He　and　Katya　were　deep　in　the　bowels　of　the　house；　in　a　place　he　had　never　known　existed；　much　less　explored。
　 〃Take　no　notice；〃　Katya　told　him；　as　the　noise　came　again；　even　louder　and　more　plaintive。　〃Whatever　it　is；　it's　out　there；　it's　not　in　here　with　us。〃　She　took　hold　of　his　arm；　and　kissed　his　cheek。　He　could　smell　Ava　on　her。　His　erection　still　throbbed。　〃Are　you　ready？〃　she　said　to　him。
　 〃Ready　for　what？〃
　 They　were　approaching　a　door　just　a　little　smaller　than　the　front　door；　and　similarly　medieval　in　style。
　 〃On　the　other　side　of　that　door　is　something　that　was　given　to　me　a　long　time　ago。　It　changed　my　life。　As　I　told　you；　it　will　also　change　yours。　When　you　first　get　in　there；　it's　bewildering。　You　just　have　to　trust　me。　I'm　going　to　be　with　you　all　the　time；　even　if　you　can't　always　see　me。　And　I　swear　no　harm　is　going　to　e　to　you。　You　understand　me；　Todd？　This　is　my　house。　Even　this　place；　which　will　seem　very　remote　from　everything　you've　seen　so　far；　is　also　mine。〃
　 He　didn't　know　quite　what　to　make　of　any　of　this；　but　his　curiosity　was　certainly　piqued。
　 〃So　don't　be　afraid；〃　she　told　him。
　 〃I　won't　be；〃　he　said；　wondering　what　kind　of　game　she　was　playing　now。　She；　who　knew　so　many；　what　did　she　have　up　her　sleeve？
　 As　had　happened　so　many　times　now；　she　read　his　thoughts。　〃This　isn't　a　game；〃　she　said。　〃Or　if　it　is；　it's　the　most　serious　game　in　God's　creation。〃
　 There　was　surely　a　trace　of　condescension　here；　but　what　the　hell？
　 〃I'm　ready；〃　he　said。
　 She　smiled。　〃In　half　an　hour　you'll　realize　what　an　absurd　thing　it　is　you've　just　said；〃　she　told　him。
　 〃Why？〃
　 〃Because　nobody　can　be　ready　for　this。〃
　 Then　she　pushed　open　the　door。
　
　 Before　Tammy　went　to　find　Todd；　she　had　to　eat。　Had　to。
　 So；　while　Todd　was　stepping　over　the　threshold　into　a　place　that　would　change　his　life；　Tammy　was　in　the　kitchen　three　stories　above；　at　the　open　fridge；　gorging　on　whatever　her　hands　found。　Cold　chicken；　potato　salad；　some　Chinese　takeaway。
　 〃Do　we　have　to　do　this　now？〃　Zeffer　said；　looking　around　nervously。　〃She　could　e　in　here　at　any　minute。〃
　 〃Yes；　well　let　her。　I'm　hungry；　Willem。　In　fact　I'm　fucking　starving。　Give　me　a　hand　here；　will　you？〃
　 〃What　do　you　want？〃
　 〃Something　sweet。　Then　I'm　done。〃
　 He　dug　around　on　the　inner　shelves　of　the　fridge　and　found　an　almost…intact　cherry　pie；　the　sight　of　which　made　Tammy　coo　the　way　most　women　cooed　when　they　saw　babies。　Zeffer　watched　her　with　an　expression　of　bemusement　on　his　face。　She　was　too　hungry　to　care。　She　lifted　a　slice　of　pie　to　her　mouth；　but　before　she　could　get　it　to　her　tongue；　Zeffer　caught　hold　of　her　wrist。
　 〃What？〃　she　said。
　 〃Listen。〃
　 Tammy　listened。　She　heard　nothing；　so　she　shook　her　head。
　 〃Listen；〃　he　said　again；　and　this　time　she　heard　what　he　was　drawing　her　attention　to。　The　windows　were　shaking。　So　were　the　doors。　The　cutlery　on　the　sink　was　rattling；　as　were　the　plates　in　the　cupboards。
　 She　let　the　slice　of　pie　drop　from　her　fingers；　her　appetite　suddenly　vanished。
　 〃What's　going　on？〃　she　wanted　to　know。
　 〃They're　downstairs；〃　Zeffer　said；　his　voice　tinged　with　superstitious　awe。　〃Todd　and　Katya。　Th