cb.coldheart canyon-第31章

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　 〃Are　we　talking　about　sex？〃
　 〃Valentino　swore　he　only　liked　men；　but　as　soon　as　I　took　charge。。。〃
　 〃Don't　tell　me。　He　was　like　a　naughty　schoolboy。〃
　 〃No。　Like　a　baby。〃　Her　hand　went　to　her　breast；　and　she　squeezed　it；　catching　the　nipple　in　the　groove　between　her　thumb　and　forefinger；　as　though　to　proffer　it　for　Todd　to　suckle。
　 He　knew　it　wasn't　smart　to　show　too　much　emotion　to　the　woman。　If　there　was　some　genuine　streak　of　derangement　in　her；　it　would　only　empower　her　more。　But　he　couldn't　help　himself。　He　took　half　a　step　backwards；　aware　that　the　trenches　of　his　mouth　were　suddenly　running　with　spit　at　the　thought　of　her　nipple　in　his　mouth。
　 〃You　shouldn't　let　your　mind　get　between　you　and　what　your　body　wants；〃　she　said。　She　took　her　hand　from　her　breast。　The　nipple　stood　hard　beneath　the　light　fabric。
　 〃I　know　what　my　body　wants。〃
　 〃Really？〃　she　said；　sounding　genuinely　surprised　at　the　claim。　〃You　know　what　it　wants　deep　down？　All　the　way　down　to　the　very　darkest　place？〃
　 He　didn't　reply。
　 She　reached　out　and　took　gentle　hold　of　his　hand。　Her　fingers　were　cold　and　dry；　his　were　clammy。
　 〃What　are　you　afraid　of？〃　she　said。　〃Not　me；　surely。〃
　 〃I'm　not　afraid；〃　he　said。
　 〃Then　e　to　me；〃　she　told　him；　softly。　〃I'll　find　out　what　you　want。〃　He　let　her　draw　him　closer　to　her；　let　her　hands　move　up　over　his　chest　towards　his　face。
　 〃You're　a　big　man；〃　she　murmured。
　 Her　fingers　were　at　his　neck　now。　Whatever　she　was　promising　about　discovering　his　desires；　he　knew　what　she　wanted；　she　wanted　to　see　his　face。　And　though　there　was　a　part　of　his　mind　that　resisted　the　idea；　there　was　a　greater　part　that　wanted　her　to　see　him；　for　better　or　worse。　He　let　her　hands　go　up　to　his　jawline；　let　her　fingers　rest　on　the　adhesive　tape　that　held　the　mask　of　gauze　against　his　wound。
　 〃May　I。。。？〃　she　asked　him。
　 〃Is　this　what　you　came　here　to　do？〃
　 She　made　a　small；　totally　ambiguous　smile。　Then　she　pulled　at　the　tape。　It　came　away　with　a　gentle　tug。　He　felt　the　gauze　loosen。　He　stared　down　into　her　face；　wondering…in　this　long　moment　before　it　was　done　and　beyond　saving…if　she　would　reject　him　when　she　saw　the　scars　and　the　swelling。　A　scene　from　that　same　silent　horror　movie　he'd　seen　in　his　mind's　eye　many　times　since　Burrows　had　done　his　brutal　work；　flickered　in　his　head：　Katya　as　the　appalled　heroine；　reeling　away　in　disgust　at　what　her　curiosity　had　uncovered。　He　the　monster；　enraged　at　her　revulsion　and　murderous　in　his　self…contempt。
　 It　was　too　late　to　stop　it　now。　She　was　pulling　at　the　gauze；　coaxing　it　away　from　the　hurts　it　concealed。
　 He　felt　the　cool　air　upon　his　wounds；　and　cooler　still；　her　scrutiny。　The　gauze　dropped　to　the　floor　between　them。　He　stood　there　before　her；　more　naked　than　he'd　ever　been　in　his　life…even　in　nightmares　of　nakedness；　more　naked…awaiting　judgment。
　 She　wasn't　horrified。　She　wasn't　screaming；　wasn't　flinching。　She　simply　looked　at　him；　without　any　interpretable　expression　on　her　face。
　 〃Well？〃　he　said。
　 〃He　made　a　mess　of　you；　no　doubt　about　that。　But　it's　healing。　And　if　my　opinion　is　worth　anything　to　you；　I'd　say　you're　going　to　be　fine。　Better　than　fine。〃
　 She　took　a　moment　to　assess　him　further。　To　trace　the　line　of　his　jaw；　the　curve　of　his　temple。
　 〃But　it's　never　going　to　be　perfect；〃　she　said。
　 His　stomach　lurched。　Here　was　the　heart　of　it：　the　bitter　part　nobody　had　wanted　to　admit　to　him；　not　even　himself。　He　was　spoiled。　Perhaps　just　a　little；　but　a　little　was　all　it　would　take　to　shake　him　from　his　high　perch。　His　precious　face；　his　golden　face；　the　beauty　that　had　made　him　the　idol　of　millions；　had　been　irreparably　damaged。
　 〃I　know；〃　Katya　said；　〃you're　thinking　your　life　won't　be　worth　living。　〃But　that's　just　not　true。〃
　 〃How　the　hell　do　you　know？〃　he　said；　smarting　from　the　truth；　angered　by　her　honesty。
　 〃Because　I　knew　all　the　great　stars；　in　the　silent　days。　And　believe　me；　the　smart　ones…when　they　weren't　making　the　money　any　longer…just　shrugged　and　said　okay；　I've　had　my　time。〃
　 〃What　did　they　do　then？〃
　 〃Listen　to　yourself！　There's　life　after　fame。　Sure　it'll　take　some　getting　used　to；　but　people　have　perfectly　good　lives…〃
　 〃I　don't　want　a　perfectly　good　life。　I　want　the　life　I　had。〃
　 〃Well　you　can't　have　it；〃　she　said；　very　simply。
　 It　was　a　long　time　since　somebody　had　told　Todd　Pickett　that　he　couldn't　have　something；　and　he　didn't　like　it。　He　took　hold　of　her　wrists　and　pulled　her　hands　away　from　his　face。　A　quick　fury　had　risen　in　him。　He　wanted　to　strike　at　her；　knock　her　stupid　words　out　of　her　mouth。
　 〃You　know；　you　are　crazy；〃　he　said。
　 〃Didn't　I　tell　you？〃　she　said；　making　no　attempt　to　touch　him　again。　〃Some　nights　I'm　so　crazy　I'm　ready　to　hang　myself。　But　I　don't。　You　know　why？　I　made　this　hell　for　myself；　so　it's　up　to　me　to　live　in　it；　isn't　it？〃
　 He　didn't　respond　to　her；　he　was　still　in　a　filthy　rage　about　what　she'd　said。
　 〃Do　you　understand　what　I'm　saying？〃
　 〃I　think　I've　had　it　with　your　advice　for　the　night；〃　he　said；　〃so　why　don't　you　just　go　back　wherever　you　came　from…〃　In　mid…sentence　he　heard　Marco　calling。　〃Boss？　Are　you　okay？　Where　the　hell　are　you？〃
　 He　looked　towards　the　door；　half　expecting　to　see　Marco　already　standing　there。　He　wasn't。　Todd　then　looked　back　at　Katya；　or　whoever　the　hell　she　was。　The　woman　was　retreating　from　him；　shaking　her　head　as　if　to　say：　don't　tell。
　 〃It's　okay！〃　he　yelled　to　Marco。
　 〃Where　are　you？〃
　 〃I'm　fine。　Go　make　me　a　drink。　I'll　meet　you　in　the　kitchen！〃
　 Katya　had　already　retreated　to　the　far　end　of　the　room；　where　the　shadows　from　which　she　had　originally　emerged　were　enclosing　her。
　 〃Wait！〃　Todd　said；　his　fury　not　yet　pletely　abated。
　 He　wanted　to　make　sure　the　woman　didn't　leave　thinking　she　would　be　allowed　to　e　back；　e　stalking　him　while　he　slept；　damn　her。　But　she　had　turned　her　back　on　him　now；　ignoring　his　instruction。　So　he　went　after　her。
　 A　door　opened　in　the　darkness　ahead　of　him；　and　he　felt　a　wave　of　night…air；　cool　and　fragrant；　e　in　against　his　face。　He　hadn't　known　that　there　was　a　door　to　the　outside　of　the　house　at　the　far　end　of　the　Casino；　but　she　was　out　through　it　in　a　heartbeat　（he　saw　her　silhouette　as　she　flitted　away　along　a　starlit　path）；　and　by　the　time　he　reached　the　door　she　was　gone；　leaving　the　shrubs　she'd　brushed　as　she　ran　shaking。
　 He　stepped　over　the　threshold；　and　looked　around；　attempting　to　orient　himself。　The　path　Katya　had　taken　led　up　the　hill；　winding　as　it　went。　Back　to　the　guest…house；　no　doubt。　That　was　where　the　crazy…lady　was　in　residence。　She'd　made　herself　a　nice　little　nest　in　the　guest…house。　Well；　that　was　easily　fixed。　He'd　just　send　Marco　up　there　tomorrow　to　evict　her。
　 〃Boss？〃
　 He　walked　back　into　the　Casino　and　stared　down　at　the　expanse　of　floor　where　she'd　had　him　picturing　her　making　love。　He'd　believed　her；　too；　a　little。　At　least　his　dick　had。
　 Marco　was　at　the　other　end　of　the　room。
　 〃What　the　hell's　going　on？〃　he　said。
　 Todd　was　about　to　tell　him　there　and　then…about　to　send　him　up　the　hill　to　oust　the　trespasser…but　Marco　was　bending　down　to　gingerly　pick　something　up　from　the　ground。　It　was　Todd's　discarded　bandages。
　 〃You　took　'em　off；〃　he　said。
　 〃Yeah。〃
　 The　rage　he'd　felt　started　to　seep　out　of　him　now；　as　he　remembered　the　tender　way　she'd　looked　at　him。　Not　judging　him；　simply　looking。
　 〃What　happened；　Boss？〃
　 〃I　found　another　door；〃　he　said　rather　lamely。
　 〃Was　there　somebody　here？〃　Marco　said。
　 〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said。　〃Maybe。　I　was　just　wandering　around；　and　I　came　down　here。。。〃
　 〃The　door　was　open？〃
　 〃No；　no；〃　Todd　said。　He　closed　the　door　with　a　solid　slam。　〃I　just　tried　it　and　it　was　unlocked。〃
　 〃It　needs　a　new　lock　then；〃　Marco　said；　his　tone　uncertain；　as　though　he　was　suspicious　of　what　he　was　being　told；　but　playing　along。
　 〃Yes；　it　needs　a　new　lock。〃
　 〃Okay。〃
　 They　stood　for　a　moment　at　opposite　ends　of　the　room；　in　silence。
　 〃Are　you　all　right？〃　Marco　said　after　a　pause。
　 〃Yeah。　I'm　fine。〃
　 〃You　know　pills　'n'　liquor'll　be　the　death　of　you。〃
　 〃I'm　hopin'；〃　Todd　replied；　his　joviality　as　forced　as　Marco's。
　 〃Okay。　If　you　say　you're　okay；　you're　okay。〃
　 〃I'm　okay。〃
　 Marco　proffered　the　bandages。　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　do　with　these？〃
　 〃What　do　you　think？〃　Todd　said；　getting　back　into　the　normal　rhythm　of　their　exchanges　now。　The　door　was　closed。　The　woman　and　the　path　and　the　nodding　shrubs　were　out　of　sight。　Whatever　she'd　said；　he　could　forget；　at　least　for　tonight。　〃Burn　them。　Where's　that　drink？　I'm　going　to　celebrate。〃
　 〃What　are　you　celebrating？〃
　 〃Me　losing　those　damn　bandages。　I　looked　like　God　knows　what。〃
　 〃Burrows　might　want　you　to　keep　'em　on。〃
　 〃Fuck　Burrows。　If　I　want　to　take　the　bandages　off；　it's　my　choice。〃
　 〃It's　your　face。〃
　 〃Yeah；〃　Todd　said；　staring　again　at　the　ground　where　the　crazy　woman　had　claimed　she'd　laid　her　body；　imagining　her　there。　〃It's　my　face。〃
　
　
　TWO
　 Maxine　came　up　to　the　house　the　following　afternoon　to　tell　Todd　about　the　Oscar　festivities；　reporting　it　all…the　ceremony　itself；　then　the　parties…with　a　fine　disregard　for　his　tenderness。　Several　times　he　almost　stopped　her　and　told　her　he　didn't　want　to　hear　any　more；　but　the　dregs　of　curiosity　silenced　him。　He　still　wanted　to　know　who'd　won　and　who'd　lost。
　 There'd　been　the　usual　upsets；　of　course；　the　usual　grateful　tears　from　the　usual　surprised　ingenues；　all　but　swooning　away　with　gratitude。　This　year；　there'd　even　been　fisticuffs：　an　argument　had　developed　in　the　parking　lot　at　Spago's　between　Quincy　Martinaro；　a　young；　fast…talking　filmmaker　who'd　made　two　movies；　been　lionized；　and　turned　into　a　legendary　ego　all　in　the　space　of　fifteen　months；　and　Vincent　Dinny；　a　vicious　writer　for　Vanity　Fair　who'd　recently　profiled　Martinaro　most　unflatteringly。　Not　that　Dinny　was　a　paragon　himself。　He　was　a　waspish；　embittered　man　in　his　late　sixties；　who…having　failed　in　his　ascent　of　the　Hollywood　aristocracy…had　turned　to　writing　about　the　town's　underbelly。　Nobody　could　have　given　a　toss　for　his　pieces　had　they　not　carried　a　certain　sting　of　truth。　The　piece　on　Martinaro；　for　instance；　had　mentioned　a　certain　taste　for　heroin；　which　was　indeed　the　man's　vice　of　choice。
　 〃So　who　won？〃　Todd　wanted　to　know。
　 〃Quincy　broke　two　fingers　when　he　fell　against　his　car；　and　Dinny　got　a　bloody　nose。　So　I　don't　know　who　won。　It's　all　so　ridiculous。　Acting　like　children。〃
　 〃Did　you　actually　see　them　fighting？〃
　 〃No；　but　I　saw　Dinny　afterwards。　Blood　all　over　his　shirt。〃　There　was　a　pause。　〃I　think　he　knows　something。〃
　 〃What？〃
　 〃He　was　quite　civilized　about　it。　You　know　how　he　is。　Shriveled　up　little　prick。　He　just　said　to　me：　I　hear　Todd's　had　some　medical　problems；　and　now　you've　got　him　under　lock　and　key。　And　I　just　looked　at　him。　Said　nothing。　But　he　knows。〃
　 〃This　is　so　fucked。〃
　 〃I　don't　know　how　we　deal　with　it；　frankly。　Sooner　or　later；　he's　going　to　suggest　a　piece　to　Vanity　Fair；　and　they're　going　to　jump　on　it。〃
　 〃So　fucked；〃　Todd　said；　more　quietly。　〃What　the　hell　did　I　do　to　deserve　this？〃
　 Maxine　let　the　question　go。　Then　she　said。　〃Oh；　by　the　way；　do　you　remember　Tammy　Lau