bill_the_galactic_hero_v1.1-第12章

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egurgitated；　and　a　length　of　printed　tape　began　clicking　out　of　another　orifice。　The　clerk　snatched　it　up　and　read　it　rapidly。
　　〃You're　in　trouble；〃　he　said　with　sadistic　relish。　〃All　three　of　you　are　supposed　to　get　the　Purple　Dart　in　a　ceremony　with　the　Emperor　and　they're　filming　in　three　hours。　You'll　never　make　it　in　time。〃
　　〃None　of　your　bowb；〃　the　sergeant　grated。　〃We　just　got　off　the　ship。　Where　do　we　go？〃
　　〃Area　1457…D；　Level　K9；　Block　823…7；　Corridor　492；　Chambers　FLM…34；　Room　62；　ask　for　Producer　Ratt〃
　　〃How　do　we　get　there？〃　Bill　asked。
　　〃Don't　ask　me；　I　just　work　here。〃　The　clerk　threw　three　thick　volumes　onto　the　counter；　each　one　over　a　foot　square　and　almost　as　thick；　with　a　chain　riveted　to　the　spine。　〃Find　your　own　way；　here's　your　floor　plan；　but　you　have　to　sign　for　it。　Losing　it　is　a　courts…martial　offense　punishable　by　。　。　。〃
　　The　clerk　suddenly　realized　that　he　was　alone　in　the　room　with　the　three　veterans；　and　as　he　blanched　white　he　reached　out　for　a　red　button。　But　before　his　finger　could　touch　it　the　gunner's　metal　arm；　spitting　sparks　and　smoking；
pinned　it　to　the　counter。　The　sergeant　leaned　over　until　his　face　was　an　inch　from　the　clerk's　then　spoke　in　a　low；　chill　voice　that　curdled　the　blood。　
　　〃We　will　not　find　our　own　way。　You　will　find　our　way　for　us。　You　will　provide　us　with　a　Guide。〃
　　〃Guides　are　only　for　officers；〃　the　clerk　protested　weakly；　then　gasped　as　a　steel…bar　finger　ground　him　in　the　stomach。
　　〃Treat　us　like　officers；〃　the　sergeant　breathed。　〃We　don't　mind。〃
　　With　chattering　teeth　the　clerk　ordered　a　guide；　and　a　small　metal　door　in　the　far　wall　crashed　open。　The　Guide　had　a　tubular　metal　body　that　ran　on　six　rubber…tired　wheels；　a　head　fashioned　to　resemble　a　hound　dog's；　and　a　springy　metal　tail。　〃Here；　boy；〃　the　sergeant　manded；　and　the　Guide　rushed　over　to　him；　slipped　out　a　red　plastic　tongue；　and；　with　a　slight　grinding　of　gears；　began　to　emit　the　sound　of　mechanical　panting。　The　sergeant　took　the　length　of　printed　tape　and　quickly　punched　the　code　1457…D　K9　823…7　492　FLM　34　62　on　the　buttons　that　decorated　the　Guide's　head。　There　were　two　sharp　barks；　the　red　tongue　vanished；　the　tail　vibrated；　and　the　Guide　rolled　away　down　the　corridor。　The　veterans　followed。
　　It　took　them　an　hour；　by　slideway；　escalator；　elevator；　pneumocar；　shanks'　mare；　monorail；　moving　sidewalk；　and　greased　pole　to　reach　room　62。　While　they　were　seated　on　the　slideway　they　secured　the　chains　of　their　floor　plans　to　their　belts；　since　even　Bill　was　beginning　to　realize　the　value　of　a　guide　to　this　world…sized　city。　At　the　door　to　room　62　the　Guide　barked　three　times；　then　rolled　away　before　they　could　grab　it。
　　〃Should　have　been　quicker；〃　the　sergeant　said。　〃Those　things　are　worth　their　weight　in　diamonds。〃　He　pushed　the　door　open　to　reveal　a　fat　man　seated　at　a　desk　shouting　into　a　visisphone。
　　〃I　don't　give　a　flying　bowb　what　your　excuses　are；　excuses　I　can　buy　wholesale。　All　I　know　is　I　got　a　production　schedule　and　the　cameras　are　ready　to　roll　and　where　are　my　principals？　I　ask　you…and　what　do　you　tell　me…〃　he　looked　up　and　began　to　scream；　〃Out！　Out！　Can't　you　see　I'm　busy！〃　　　The　sergeant　reached　over　and　threw　the　visisphone　onto　the　floor　then　stomped　it　to　tiny　smoking　bits。
　　〃You　have　a　direct　way　of　getting　attention；〃　Bill　said。
　　〃Two　years　in　bat　make　you　very　direct；〃　the　sergeant　said；　and　grated　his　teeth　together　in　a　loud　and　disturbing　way。　Then；　〃Here　we　are；　Ratt；　what　do　we　do？〃
　　Producer　Ratt　kicked　his　way　through　the　wreckage　and　threw　open　a　door　behind　the　desk。　〃Places！　Lights！〃　he　shrieked；　and　there　was　an　immense　scurrying　and　a　sudden　glare。　The　to…be…honored　veterans　followed　him　through　the　door　into　an　immense　sound　stage　humming　with　organized　bustle。　Cameras　on　motorized　dollies　rolled　around　the　set　where　flats　and　props　simulated　the　end　of　a　regal　throne　room。　The　stained…glass　windows　glowed　with　imaginary
sunlight；　and　a　golden　sunbeam　from　a　spotlight　illuminated　the　throne。　Goaded　on　by　the　director's　screamed　instructions　the　crowd　of　nobility　and　high…ranking　officers　took　positions　before　the　throne。
　　〃He　called　them　bowbs！〃　Bill　gasped。　〃He'll　be　shot！〃
　　〃Are　you　ever　stupid；〃　the　gunner　said；　unreeling　a　length　of　flex　from　his　right　leg　and　plugging　it　into　an　outlet　to　recharge　his　batteries。　〃Those　are　all　actors。　You　think　they　can　get　real　nobility　for　a　thing　like　this？〃
　　〃We　only　got　time　to　run　through　this　once　before　the　Emperor　gets　here；　so　no　mistakes。〃　Director　Ratt　clambered　up　and　settled　himself　on　the　throne。　〃I'll　stand　in　for　the　Emp。　Now　you　principals；　you　got　the　easiest　roles；　and　I　don't　want　you　to　flub　it。　We　got　no　time　for　retakes。　You　get　into　position　there；　that's　the　stuff；　in　a　row；　and　when　I　say　roll　you　snap　to　attention　like　you　been　taught　or　the　taxpayers　been　wasting　their　money。　You　there；　the　guy　on　the　left　that's　built　into　the　bird　cage；　keep　your　damn　motors　turned　off；　you're　lousing。　up　the　soundtrack。　Grind　gears　once　more　and　I'll　pull　all　your　fuses。　Affirm。　You　just　stay　at　attention　until　your　name　is　called；　take　one　pace　forward；　and　snap　into　a　brace。　The　Emperor　will　pin　a　medal　on　you；　salute；　drop　the　salute；　and　take　one　pace　back。　You　got　that；　or　is　it　too　plicated　for　your　tiny；　indoctrinated　minds？〃
　　〃Why　don't　you　blow　it　out！〃　the　sergeant　snarled。
　　〃Very　witty。　All　right…let's　run　through　it！〃
　　They　rehearsed　the　ceremony　twice　before　there　was　a　tremendous　braying　of　bugles；　and　six　generals　with　deathray　。pistols　at　the　ready　double…timed　onto　the　set　and　halted　with　their　backs　to　the　throne。　All　of　the　extras；　cameramen；　and　technicians…even　Director　Ratt…bowed　low　while　the　veterans　　snapped　to　attention。　The　Emperor　shuffled　in；　climbed　the　dais；　and　dropped　into　the　throne。　〃Continue　。　。　。　〃　he　said　in　a　bored　voice；　and　belched　lightly　behind　his　hand。　
　　〃Let's　ROLL！〃　the　director　howled　at　the　top　of　his　lungs；　and　staggered　out　of　camera　range。　Music　rose　up　in　a　mighty　wave；　and　the　ceremony　began。　While　the　Awards　and　Protocol　officer　read　off　the　nature　of　the　heroic　deeds　the　noble　heroes　had　acplished　to　win　that　noblest　of　all　medals；　the　Purple　Dart　with　Coalsack　Nebula　Cluster；　the　Emperor　rose　from　his　throne　and　strode　majestically　forward。　The　infantry　sergeant　was　first；　and　Bill　watched　out　of
the　corner　of　his　eye　while　the　Emperor　took　an　ornate　gold；　silver；　ruby；　and　platinum　medal　from　the　proferred　case　and　pinned　it　to　the　man's　chest。　Then　the　sergeant　stepped　back　into　position；　and　it　was　Bill's　turn。　As　from　an　immense　distance　he　heard　his　name　spoken　in　rolling　tones　of　thunder；　and　he　strode　forward　with　every　ounce　of　precision　that　he　had　been　taught　back　at　Camp　Leon　Trotsky。　There；　just　before　him；　was　the　most　beloved　man　in　the
galaxy！　The　long　and　swollen　nose　that　graced　a　billion　banknotes　was　pointed　toward　him。　The　overshot　jaw　and　protruding　teeth　that　filled　a　billion　TV　screens　was　speaking　his　name。　One　of　the　imperial　strabismic　eyes　was　pointing　at　him！　Passion　welled　in　Bill's　bosom　like　great　breakers　thundering　onto　a　shore。　He　snapped　his　snappiest　salute。
　　In　fact　he　snapped　just　about　the　snappiest　salute　possible；　since　there　aren't　very　many　people　with　two　right　arms。　Both　arms　swung　up　in　precise　circles；　both　elbows　quivered　at　right　angles；　both　palms　clicked　neatly　against　both　eyebrows。　It　was　well　done　and　took　the　Emperor　by　surprise；　and　for　one　vibrating　instant　he　managed　to　get　both　eyeballs　pointed　at　Bill　at　the　same　time　before　they　wandered　away　at　random　again。　The　Emperor；　still　a　little　disturbed　by　the　unusual　salute；　groped　for　the　medal　and　plunged　the　pin　through　Bill's　tunic　squarely　into　his　shivering　flesh。　
　　Bill　felt　no　pain；　but　the　sudden　stab　triggered　the　growing　emotion　that　had　been　rushing　through　him。　Dropping　the　salutes　he　fell　to　his　knees　in　good　old　peasant…serf　style；　just　like　a　historical　TV；　which　in　fact　was　just　where　his　obsequious　subconscious　had　dredged　up　the　idea　from；　and　seized　the　Emperor's　knob…knuckled　and　liver…spotted　hand。　〃Father　to　us　all！〃　Bill　exulted；　and　kissed　the　hand。
　　Grim…eyed；　the　bodyguard　of　generals　leaped　forward；　and　death　beat　sable　wings　over　Bill；　but　the　Emperor　smiled　as　he　pulled　his　hand　gently　away　and　　wiped　the　saliva　off　on　Bill's　tunic。　A　casual　flick　of　his　finger　restored　the　bodyguard　to　position；　and　he　moved　on　to　the　gunner；　pinned　on　the　remaining　medal；　and　stepped　back。
　　〃Cut！〃　Director　Ratt　shouted。　〃Print　that；　it's　a　natural　with　that　dumb　hick　going　through　the　slobbering　act。〃
　　As　Bill　struggled　back　to　his　feet　he　saw　that　the　Emperor　had　not　returned　to　the　throne　but　was　instead　standing　in　the　midst　of　the　milling　crowd　of　actors。　The　bodyguard　had　vanished。　Bill　blinked；　bewildered；　as　a　man　whipped　the　Emperor's　crown　from　his　head；　popped　it　into　a　box；　and　hurried　away　with　it。
　　〃The　brake　is　jammed；〃　the　gunner　said；　still　saluting　with　a　vibrating　arm。　〃Pull　the　damn　thing　down　for　me。　It　never　works　right　above　shoulder　level。〃
　　〃But…the　Emperor…〃　Bill　said；　tugging　at　the　locked　arm　until　the　brakes　squealed　and　released。
　　〃An　actor…what　else？　Do　you　think　they　have　the　real　Emperor　giving　out　medals　to　other…ranks？　Field　grade　and　higher；　I　bet。　But　they　put　on　a　bit　of　an　act　with　him　so　some　poor　rube；　like　you；　can　get　carried　away。　You　were　great。〃
　　〃Here　you　are；〃　a　man　said；　handing　them　both　stamped　metal　copies　of　the　medals　they　were　wearing　and　whipping　off　the　originals。
　　〃Places！〃　the　director's　amplified　voice　boomed。　〃We　got　just　ten　minutes　to　run　through　the　Empress　and　the　baby　kissing　with　the　Aldebranian　septuplets　for　the　Fertility　Hour。　Get　those　plastic　babies　out　here；　and　get　those　damn　spectators　off　the　set。〃
　　The　heroes　were　pushed　into　the　corridor　and　the　door　slammed　and　locked　behind　them。

II

〃I'm　tired；〃　the　gunner　said；　〃and　besides；　my　burns　hurt。〃　He　had　had　a　short　circuit　during　action　in　the　Enlisted　Men's　Olde　Knocking　Shoppe　and　had　set　the　bed　on　fire。
　　〃Aw；　e　on；〃　Bill　insisted。　〃We　have　three…day　passes　before　our　ship　leaves；　and　we　are　on　Helior；　the　Imperial　Planet！　What　riches　there　are　to　see　here；　the　Hanging　Gardens；　the　Rainbow　Fountains；　the　Jeweled　Palaces。　You　can't　miss　them。〃
　　〃Just　watch　me。　As　soon　as　I　catch　up　on　some　sleep　it's　back　to　the　Olde　Knocking　Shoppe　for　me。　If　you're　so　hot　on　someone　holding　your　hand　while　you　go　sightseeing；　take　the　sergeant。〃
　　〃He's　still　drunk。〃
　　The　infantry　sergeant　was　a　solitary　drinker　who　did　not　believe　in　cutting　ers。　Neither　did　he　believe　in　dilution　or　in　wasting　money　on　fancy　packaging。　He　had　used　all　of　his　money　to　bribe　a　medical　orderly　and　had　obtained　two　carboys　of　99　per　cent　pure　grain　alcohol；　a　drum　of　glucose　and　saline　solution；　a　hypodermic　needle；　and　a　length　of　rubber　tubing。　The　ethyl…glucose…saline　mixture　in　carboys　had　been　slung　from　a　rafter　over　his　bunk　with　the　tubing　leading　to　the　needle　plunged　into　his　arm　and　taped　into　place　as　an　intravenous　drip。　Now　he　was　unmoving；　well　fed；　and　pletely　blind…drunk　all　the　time；　and　if　the　metered　flow　were　undisturbed　he　should　stay　drunk　for　two　and　a　half　years。　　　Bi