sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第17章

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　〃I　apologize　for　all　of　them；〃　he　said；　his　voice　tight。　He　held　out　the　robe。　〃Here。　e　out　and　put　this　on。〃　
　But　Josephine　closed　her　eyes　and　stayed　there；　rigid。　She　wanted　to　die　as　quickly　as　possible。　
　
　
　It　was　one　of　Sam　Winters's　good　days。　The　rushes　on　the　Tessie　Brand　picture　were　wonderful。　Part　of　the　reason；　of　course；　was　that　Tessie　was　breaking　her　neck　to　vindicate　her　behavior。　But　whatever　the　reason；　Barbara　Carter　was　going　to　emerge　as　the　hottest　new　producer　of　the　year。　It　was　going　to　be　a　terrific　year　for　costume　designers。　The　television　shows　produced　by　Pan…Padfic　were　doing　well；　and　〃My　Man　Friday〃　was　the　biggest　of　them　all。　The　network　was　talking　to　Sam　about　a　new　five…year　contract　for　the　series。　Sam　was　preparing　to　leave　for　lunch　when　Lucille　hurried　in　and　said；　〃They　just　caught　someone　setting　a　fire　in　the　prop　department。　They're　bringing　him　over　here　now。〃　
　The　man　sat　in　a　chair　facing　Sam　in　silence；　two　studio　guards　standing　behind　him。　His　eyes　were　bright　with　malice。　Sam　had　still　not　gotten　over　his　shock。　
　〃Why？〃　he　asked。　〃For　God's　sake　　why？〃　
　〃Because　I　didn't　want　your　fucking　charity；〃　Dallas　Burke　said。　〃I　hate　you　and　this　studio　and　the　whole　rotten　business。　I　built　this　business；　you　son　of　a　bitch。　I　paid　for　half　the　studios　in　this　lousy　town。　Everybody　got　rich　off　me。　Why　didn't　you　give　me　a　picture　to　direct　instead　of　trying　to　pay　me　off　by　pretending　to　buy　a　bunch　of　fucking　stolen　fairy　tales？　You　would　have　bought　the　phone　book　from　me；　Sam。　I　didn't　want　any　favors　from　you　　I　wanted　job。　You're　making　me　be　a　failure；　you　prick；　and　I'll　not　forgive　you　for　that。〃　
　Long　after　they　had　taken　Dallas　Burke　away；　Sam。　sat　thinking　about　him；　remembering　the　great　things　he　has　done；　the　wonderful　movies　he　had　made。　In　any　other　business；　he　would　have　been　a　hero；　the　chairman　of　board　or　would　have　been　retired　with　a　nice；　fat　pension。　But　this　was　the　wonderful　world　of　show　business。　
　
　
　In　the　early　1950s；　Toby　Temple's　success　was　growing。　He　played　the　top　nightclubs　　the　Chez　Paree　in　Chicago；　the　Latin　Casino　in　Philadelphia；　the　Copacabana　in　New　York。　He　played　benefits　and　children's　hospitals　and　charity　affairs　　he　would　play　for　anybody；　anywhere；　at　any　time。　The　audience　was　his　lifeblood。　He　needed　the　applause　and　the　love。　He　was　totally　absorbed　in　show　business。　Major　events　were　occurring　around　the　world；　but　to　Toby　they　were　merely　grist　for　his　act。　
　In　1951；　when　General　MacArthur　was　fired　and　said；　〃Old　soldiers　don't　diethey　just　fade　away；〃　Toby　said；　〃Jesus　　we　must　use　the　same　laundry。〃　In　1952；　when　the　hydrogen　bomb　was　dropped；　Toby's　response　was；　〃That's　nothing。　You　should　have　caught　my　opening　in　Atlanta。〃　When　Nixon　made　his　〃Checkers〃　speech；　Toby　said；　〃I'd　vote　for　him　in　a　minute。　Not　Nixon　　Checkers。〃　Then　President　and　Stalin　died　and　young　America　was　wearing　Davy　Crockett　hats　and　there　was　a　bus　boycott　in　Montgomery。'　And　everything　was　material　for　Toby's　act。　When　he　delivered　his　zingers　with　that　wide…eyed　look　of　baffled　innocence；　the　audiences　screamed。　Toby's　whole　life　consisted　of　punch　lines。　〃。。。　so　he　said；　'Wait　a　minute；　I'll　get　my　hat　and　go　with　you　。。。'　〃　and　〃。。　。　to　tell　the　truth；　it　looked　so　good　I　ate　it　myself！　〃　and　〃。。。　it's　a　candystore；　but　they'll　call　me　。。。〃　and　would　have　been　a　shamus　。。　。〃　and　〃。。。　now　I've　you　and　there's　no　ship。。　。〃　and　on　and　on；　with　the　audiences　laughing　until　they　cried。　His　audiences　loved　him；　and　he　fed　on　their　love　and　battened　on　it　and　climbed　ever　higher。　But　there　was　a　deep；　wild　restlessness　in　Toby。　He　was　always　looking　for　something　more。　He　could　never　enjoy　himself　because　he　was　afraid　he　might　be　missing　a　better　party　somewhere；　or　playing　to　a　better　audience；　or　kissing　a　prettier　girl。　
　He　changed　girls　as　frequently　as　he　changed　his　shirts。　After　the　experience　with　Millie；　he　was　afraid　to　bee　deeply　involved　with　anyone。　He　remembered　when　he　had　played　the　Toilet　Circuit　and　envied　the　ics　with　the　big　limousines　and　the　beautiful　women。　He　had　made　it；　and　he　was　as　lonely　now　as　he　had　been　then。　Who　was　it　who　had　said；　〃When　you　get　there；　there　is　no　there　。。。〃？　He　was　dedicated　to　being　Number　One　and　he　knew　he　would　make　it。　His　one　regret　was　that　his　mother　would　not　be　there　to　watch　her　prediction　e　true。　The　only　reminder　left　of　her　was　his　father。　
　The　nursing　home　in　Detroit　was　an　ugly　brick　building　from　another　century。　Its　walls　held　the　sweet　stench　of　old　age　and　sickness　and　death。　Toby　Temple's　father　had　suffered　a　stroke　and　was　almost　a　vegetable　now；　a　man　with　listless；　apathetic　eyes　and　a　mind　that　cared　for　nothing　except　Toby's　visits。　Toby　stood　in　the　dingy　green…carpeted　hall　of　the　home　that　now　held　his　father。　The　nurses　and　inmates　crowded　adoringly　around　him。　
　〃I　saw　you　on　the　Harold　Hobson　show　last　week；　Toby。　I　thought　you　were　just　marvelous。　How　do　you　think　of　all　those　clever　things　to　say？〃　
　〃My　writers　think　of　them；〃　
　Toby　said；　and　they　laughed　at　his　modesty。　A　male　nurse　was　ing　down　the　corridor；　wheeling　Toby's　father。　He　was　freshly　shaved　and　had　his　hair　slicked　down。　He　had　let　them　dress　him　in　a　suit　in　honor　of　his　son's　visit。　
　〃Hey；　it's　Beau　Brummel！〃　Toby　called；　and　everyone　turned　to　look　at　Mr。　Temple　with　envy；　wishing　that　they　had　a　wonderful；　famous　son　like　Toby　to　e　and　visit　them。　Toby　walked　over　to　his　father；　leaned　down　and　gave　him　a　hug。　
　〃Who　you　trying　to　kid？〃　Toby　asked。　He　pointed　to　the　male　nurse。　〃You　should　be　wheeling　him　around；　Pop。〃　Everyone　laughed；　filing　the　quip　away　in　their　minds　so　that　they　could　tell　their　friends　what　they　had　heard　Toby　Temple　say。　I　was　with　Toby　Temple　the　other　day　and　he　said。。　。I　was　standing　as　close　as　I　am　to　you；　and　I　heard　him。。。　He　stood　around　entertaining　them；　insulting　them　gently；　and　they　loved　it。　He　kidded　them　about　their　sex　lives　and　their　health　and　their　children；　and　for　a　little　while　they　were　able　to　laugh　at　their　own　problems。　Finally；　Toby　said　ruefully；　〃I　hate　to　leave　you；　you're　the　best…looking　audience　I've　had　in　years〃　　they　would　remember　that；　too　　〃but　I　have　to　spend　a　little　time　alone　with　Pop。　He　promised　to　give　me　some　new　jokes。〃　They　smiled　and　laughed　and　adored　him。　
　Toby　was　alone　in　the　small　visitors　room　with　his　father。　Even　this　room　had　the　smell　of　death；　and　yet；　that　was　what　this　place　was　all　about；　wasn't　it？　Toby　thought。　Death？　It　was　filled　with　used…up　mothers　and　fathers　who　were　in　the　way。　They　had　been　taken　out　of　the　small　back　bedrooms　at　home；　out　of　the　dining　rooms　and　parlors　where　they　were　being　an　embarrassment　whenever　there　were　guests；　and　had　been　sent　to　this　nursing　home　by　their　children；　nieces　and　nephews。　Believe　me；　it's　for　your　own　good。　Father；　Mother；　Uncle　George；　Aunt　Bess。　You'll　be　with　a　lot　of　very　nice　people　your　own　age。　You'll　have　pany　all　the　time。　You　know　what　I　mean？　What　they　really　meant　was；　I'm　sending　you　there　to　die　with　all　the　other　useless　old　people。　I'm　sick　of　your　drooling　at　the　table　and　telling　the　same　stories　over　and　over　and　pestering　the　children　and　wetting　your　bed。　The　Eskimos　were　more　honest　about　it。　They　sent　their　old　people　out　onto　the　ice　and　abandoned　them　there。　
　〃I'm　sure　glad　you　came　today；〃　Toby's　father　said。　His　speech　was　slow。　〃I　wanted　to　talk　to　you。　I　got　some　good　news。　Old　Art　Riley　next　door　died　yesterday。〃　
　Toby　stared　at　him。　〃That's　good　news？〃　
　〃It　means　I　can　move　into　his　room；〃　his　father　explained。　〃It's　a　single。〃　And　that　was　what　old　age　was　all　about：　survival；　hanging　on　to　the　few　creature　forts　that　still　remained。　Toby　had　seen　people　here　who　would　have　been　better　off　dead；　but　they　clung　to　life；　fiercely。　Happy　birthday；　Mr。　Dorset。　How　do　you　feel　about　being　ninety…five　years　old　today？。。　。　When　I　think　of　the　alternative；　I　feel　great。　
　At　last；　it　was　time　for　Toby　to　leave。　
　〃I'll　be　back　to　see　you　as　soon　as　I　can；〃　Toby　promised。　He　gave　his　father　some　cash　and　handed　out　lavish　tips　to　all　the　nurses　and　attendants。　〃You　take　good　care　of　him；　huh？　I　need　the　old　man　for　my　act。〃　And　Toby　was　gone。　The　moment　he　walked　out　the　door；　he　had　forgotten　them　all。　He　was　thinking　about　his　performance　that　evening。　For　weeks　they　would　talk　about　nothing　but　his　visit。　
　
　
　At　seventeen；　Josephine　Czinski　was　the　most　beautiful　girl　in　Odessa；　Texas。　She　had　a　golden；　tanned　plexion　and　her　long　black　hair　showed　a　hint　of　auburn　in　the　sunlight；　and　her　deep　brown　eyes　held　flecks　of　gold。　She　had　a　stunning　figure；　with　a　full；　rounded　bosom；　a　narrow　waist　that　tapered　to　gently　swelling　hips；　and　long；　shapely　legs。　Josephine　did　not　socialize　with　the　Oil　People　anymore。　She　went　out　with　the　others　now。　After　school　she　worked　as　a　waitress　at　the　Golden　Derrick；　a　popular　drive…in。　Mary　Lou　and　Cissy　Topping　and　their　friends　came　there　with　their　dates。　Josephine　always　greeted　them　politely；　but　everything　had　changed。　Josephine　was　filled　with　a　restlessness；　a　yearning　for　something　she　had　never　known。　It　was　nameless；　but　it　was　there。　She　wanted　to　leave　this　ugly　town；　but　she　did　not　know　where　she　wanted　to　go　or　what　she　wanted　to　do。　Thinking　about　it　too　long　made　her　headaches　begin。　She　went　out　with　a　dozen　different　boys　and　men。　Her　mother's　favorite　was　Warren　Huffman。　
　〃Warren'd　make　you　a　fine　husband。　He's　a　regular　church…goer；　he　earns　good　money　as　a　plumber　and　he's　half　out　of　his　head　about　you。〃　
　〃He's　twenty…five　years　old　and　he's　fat。〃　
　Her　mother　studied　Josephine。　〃Poor　Polack　girls　don't　find　no　knights　in　shinin'　armor。　Not　in　Texas　and　not　no…place　else。　Stop　foolin'　yourself。〃　
　Josephine　would　permit　Warren　Hofl'man　to　take　her　to　the　movies　once　a　week。　He　would　hold　her　hand　in　his　big；　sweaty；　calloused　palms　and　keep　squeezing　it　throughout　the　picture。　Josephine　hardly　noticed。　She　was　too　engrossed　in　what　was　happening　on　the　screen。　What　was　up　there　was　an　extension　of　the　world　of　beautiful　people　and　things　that　she　had　grown　up　with；　only　it　was　even　bigger　and　even　more　exciting。　In　some　dim　recess　of　her　mind；　Josephine　felt　that　Hollywood　could　give　her　everything　she　wanted：　the　beauty；　the　fun；　the　laughter　and　happiness。　Aside　from　marrying　a　rich　man；　she　knew　there　was　no　other　way　she　would　ever　be　able　to　have　that　kind　of　life。　And　the　rich　boys　were　all　taken　by　the　rich　girls。　Except　for　one。　David　Kenyon。　Josephine　thought　of　him　often。　She　had　stolen　a　snapshot　of　him　from　Mary　Lou's　house　long　ago。　She　kept　it　hidden　in　her　closet　and　took　it　out　to　look　at　whenever　she　was　unhappy。　It　brought　back　the　memory　of　David　standing　by　the　side　of　the　pool　saying；　I　apologize　for　all　of　them；　and　the　feeling　of　hurt　had　gradually　disappeared　and　been　replaced　by　his　gentle　warmth。　She　had　seen　David　only　once　after　that　terrible　day　at　his　swimming　pool　when　he　had　brought　her　a　robe。　He　had　been　in　a　car　with　his　family；　and　Josephine　later　heard　that　he　had　been　driven　to　the　train　depot。　He　was　on　his　way　to　Oxford；　England。　That　had　been　four　years　ago