dk.coldfire-第61章

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reason；　but　I　can't　remember　it。　Anyway；　I　came　back　when　he　had　his　stroke；　when　he　was　dying　in　the　hospital。　And　I　remember　him　dead；　damn　it。〃　
　〃Clearly　remember　it？〃　〃Yes。〃　
　She　said；　〃You　remember　the　sight　of　him　dead　in　the　hospital　bed；　all　his　monitor　lines　flat？〃　He　frowned。　〃No。〃　
　〃Remember　a　doctor　telling　you　he'd　passed　away？〃　〃No。〃　
　〃Remember　making　arrangements　for　his　burial？〃　〃No。〃　
　〃Then　what's　so　clear　about　this　memory　of　him　being　dead？〃　Jim　brooded　about　that　awhile　as　she　whipped　the　Ford　around　the　curving　roads；　between　gentle　hills　on　which　scattered　houses　stood；　past　white…fenced　horse　pastures　green　as　pictures　of　Kentucky。　This　part　of　the　valley　was　lusher　than　the　area　around　New　Svenborg。　But　the　sky　had　bee　a　more　somber　gray；　with　a　hint　of　blue…black　in　the　clouds　bruised。　
　At　last　he　said；　〃It　isn't　clear　at　all；　now　that　I　look　close　at　it。　
　Just　a　muddy　impression。　。　。　not　a　real　memory。〃　
　〃Are　you　paying　to　keep　Henry　at　Fair　Haven？〃　〃No。〃　
　〃Did　you　inherit　his　property？〃　〃How　could　I　inherit　if　he's　alive？〃　〃A　conservatorship　then？〃　He　was　about　to　deny　that；　as　well；　when　he　suddenly　remembered　a　hearing　room；　a　judge。　The　testimony　of　a　doctor。　His　granddad's　counsel；　appearing　on　the　old　man's　behalf　to　testify　that　Henry　was　of　sound　mind　and　wanted　his　grandson　to　manage　his　property。　
　〃Good　heavens；　yes；〃　Jim　said；　shocked　that　he　was　capable　not　only　of　forgetting　events　from　the　distant　past　but　from　as　recently　as　four　years　ago。　As　Holly　swung　around　a　slow…moving　farm　truck　and　accelerated　along　a　straight　stretch　of　road；　Jim　told　her　what　he　had　just　remembered；　dim　as　the　recollection　was。　〃How　can　I　do　this；　live　this　way？　How　can　I　totally　rewrite　my　past　when　it　suits　me？〃　〃Self　defense；〃　she　said；　as　she　had　said　before。　She　swung　in　front　of　the　truck。　〃I'd　bet　that　you　remember　a　tremendous　amount　of　precise　detail　about　your　work　as　a　teacher；　about　your　students　over　the　years；　colleagues　you've　taught　with…〃　It　was　true。　As　she　spoke；　he　could　flash　back；　at　will；　through　his　years　in　the　classroom；　which　seemed　so　vivid　that　those　thousands　of　days　might　have　occurred　concurrently　only　yesterday。　
　〃…because　that　life　held　no　threat　for　you；　it　was　filled　with　purpose　and　peace。　The　only　things　you　forget；　push　relentlessly　down　into　the　deepest　wells　of　memory；　are　those　things　having　to　do　with　the　death　of　your　parents；　the　death　of　Lena　Ironheart；　and　your　years　in　New　Svenborg。　Henry　Ironheart　is　part　of　that；　so　you　continue　to　wipe　him　from　your　mind。〃　
　The　sky　was　contusive。　
　He　saw　blackbirds　wheeling　across　the　clouds；　more　of　them　now　than　he　had　seen　in　the　cemetery。　Four；　six；　eight。　They　seemed　to　be　paralleling　the　car；　following　it　to　Solvang。　
　Strangely；　he　recalled　the　dream　with　which　he　had　awakened　on　the　morning　that　he　had　gone　to　Portland；　saved　Billy　Jenkins；　and　met　Holly。　
　In　the　nightmare；　a　flock　of　large　blackbirds　shrieked　around　him　in　a　turbulent　flapping　of　wings　and　tore　at　him　with　hooked　beaks　as　precision…honed　as　surgical　instruments。　
　〃The　worst　is　yet　to　e；〃　he　said。　
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　〃I　don't　know。〃　
　〃You　mean　what　we　learn　at　Fair　Haven？〃　Above；　the　blackbirds　swam　through　the　high；　cold　currents。　
　Without　having　a　clue　as　to　what　he　meant；　Jim　said；　〃Something　very　dark　is　ing。〃　
　Fair　Haven　was　housed　in　a　large；　U…shaped；　three…story　building　outside　the　town　limits　of　Solvang；　with　no　trace　of　Danish　influence　in　its　architecture。　It　was　strictly　off　the…rack　design；　functional　and　no　prettier　than　it　had　to　be：　cream…tinted　stucco；　concrete…tile　roof；　boxy；　flat…walled；　with　out　detail。　But　it　was　freshly　painted　and　in　good　repair；　the　hedges　were　neatly　trimmed；　the　lawn　recently　mown；　and　the　sidewalks　swept　clean。　
　Holly　liked　the　place。　She　almost　wished　she　lived　there；　was　maybe　eighty；　watching　some　TV　every　day；　playing　some　checkers；　with　no　worry　bigger　than　trying　to　figure　out　where　she　had　put　her　false　teeth　when　she'd　taken　them　out　last　night。　
　Inside；　the　hallways　were　wide　and　airy；　with　yellow　vinyl…tile　floors。　
　Unlike　in　many　nursing　homes；　the　air　was　neither　tainted　with　the　stench　of　incontinent　patients　left　unclean　by　inattentive　staff　nor　with　a　heavy　aerosol　deodorant　meant　to　eliminate　or　mask　that　stench。　
　The　rooms　she　and　Jim　passed　looked　attractive；　with　big　windows　opening　to　valley　views　or　a　garden　courtyard。　Some　of　the　patients　lay　in　their　beds　or　slumped　in　their　wheelchairs　with　vacant　or　mournful　expressions　on　their　faces；　but　they　were　the　unfortunate　victims　of　major　strokes　or　late…stage　Alzheimer's　disease；　locked　away　in　memories　or　torment；　largely　unconnected　to　the　world　around　them。　Everyone　else　appeared　happy；　and　patients'　laughter　actually　could　be　heard；　a　rarity　in　such　places。　
　According　to　the　supervisor　on　duty　at　the　nurses'　station；　Henry　Ironheart　had　been　a　resident　of　Fair　Haven　for　over　four　years。　
　Mrs。　Danforth；　the　administrator　into　whose　office　they　were　shown；　was　new　since　Henry　Ironheart　had　been　checked　in。　She　had　the　slightly　plump；　well…groomed；　and　inoffensively　self　satisfied　look　of　a　minister's　wife　in　a　prosperous　parish。　Though　she　could　not　understand　why　they　needed　her　to　verify　something　that　Jim　knew　already；　she　checked　her　records　and　showed　them　that；　indeed；　Henry　Ironheart's　monthly　bill　was　always　promptly　paid　by　James　Ironheart；　of　Laguna　Niguel；　by　check。　
　〃I'm　glad　you've　e　to　visit　at　last；　and　I　hope　you'll　have　a　pleasant　time；〃　Mrs。　Danforth　said；　with　genteel　reproach　meant　to　make　him　feel　guilty　for　not　visiting　his　grandfather　more　often　while　at　the　same　time　not　directly　offending　him。　
　After　they　left　Mrs。　Danforth；　they　stood　in　a　corner　of　the　main　hallway；　out　of　the　bustle　of　nurses　and　wheelchair…bound　patients。　
　〃I　can't　just　walk　in　on　him；〃　Jim　said　adamantly。　〃Not　after　all　this　time。　I　feel。　。　。　my　stomach's　clutched　up；　cramped。　Holly；　I'm　afraid　of　him。〃　
　〃Why？〃　〃I'm　not　sure。〃　Desperation；　bordering　on　panic；　made　his　eyes　so　disquieting　that　she　did　not　want　to　look　into　them。　
　〃When　you　were　little；　did　he　ever　harm　you？〃　〃I　don't　think　so。〃　He　strained　to　see　back　through　the　clouds　of　memory；　then　shook　his　head。　〃I　don't　know。〃　
　Largely　because　she　was　afraid　to　leave　Jim　alone；　Holly　tried　to　convince　him　that　it　would　be　better　for　them　to　meet　the　old　man　together。　
　But　he　insisted　she　go　first。　〃Ask　him　most　of　what　we　need　to　know；　so　when　I　e　into　it；　we　won't　have　to　stay　much　longer　if　we　don't　want　to。　。　。　in　case　it　goes　bad；　gets　awkward；　unpleasant。　
　Prepare　him　for　seeing　me；　Holly。　Please。〃　
　Because　he　appeared　ready　to　bolt　if　she　did　not　play　things　his　way；　Holly　finally　agreed。　But　watching　Jim　walk　into　the　courtyard　to　wait　there；　she　already　regretted　letting　him　move　out　of　her　sight。　If　he　started　to　lose　control　again；　if　The　Enemy　began　to　break　through；　nobody　would　be　with　him　to　encourage　him　to　resist　the　onslaught。　
　A　friendly　nurse　helped　Holly　find　Henry　Ironheart　when　he　proved　not　to　be　in　his　room。　She　pointed　him　out　at　a　card　table　in　the　cheery　recreation　center；　at　the　other　end　of　which　a　half　dozen　residents　were　watching　a　game　show　on　television。　
　Henry　was　playing　poker　with　his　cronies。　Four　of　them　were　at　a　table　designed　to　acmodate　wheelchairs；　and　none　wore　the　standard　nursing…home　attire　of　pajamas　or　sweatsuits。　Besides　Henry；　there　were　two　fragile…looking　elderly　men…one　in　slacks　and　a　red　polo　shirt；　the　other　in　slacks；　white　shirt；　and　bow　tie…and　a　birdlike　woman　with　snow…white　hair；　who　was　in　a　bright…pink　pantsuit。　They　were　halfway　through　a　hotly　contested　hand；　with　a　substantial　pile　of　blue　plastic　chips　in　the　pot；　and　Holly　waited　to　one　side；　reluctant　to　interrupt　them。　Then　one　by　one；　exhibiting　a　flair　for　drama；　they　revealed　their　cards；　and　with　a　whoop　of　delight　the　woman…Thelma；　her　name　was…raked　in　her　winnings　；　theatrically　gloating　as　the　men　goodnaturedly　questioned　her　honesty。　
　Finally　intruding　into　their　banter；　Holly　introduced　herself　to　Henry　Ironheart；　though　without　identifying　herself　as　Jim's　fiancee。　
　〃I'd　like　to　have　a　few　minutes　to　talk　with　you　about　something　if　I　could。〃　
　〃Jesus；　Henry；〃　the　man　in　the　polo　shirt　said；　〃she's　less　than　half　your　age！〃　〃He　always　was　an　old　pervert；〃　said　the　guy　in　the　bow　tie。　
　〃Oh；　get　a　life；　Stewart；〃　Thelma　said；　speaking　to　Mr。　Bow　Tie。　
　〃Henry's　a　gentleman；　and　he's　never　been　anything　else。〃　
　〃Jesus；　Henry；　you're　gonna　be　married　for　sure　before　you　get　out　of　this　room　today！〃　〃Which　you　certainly　won't　be；　George；〃　Thelma　continued。　〃And　as　far　as　I'm　concerned〃…she　winked…〃if　it's　Henry；　marriage　doesn't　have　to　be　part　of　it。〃　
　They　all　roared　at　that；　and　Holly　said；　〃I　can　see　I'm　going　to　be　aced　out　of　this　one。〃　
　George　said；　〃Thelma　gets　what　she's　after　more　often　than　not。〃　
　Noticing　that　Stewart　had　gathered　the　cards　up　and　was　shuffling　the　deck；　Holly　said；　〃I　don't　mean　to　interrupt　your　game。〃　
　〃Oh；　don't　worry　yourself；〃　Henry　said。　His　words　were　slightly　slurred　as　a　result　of　his　stroke；　but　he　was　quite　intelligible。　
　〃We'll　just　take　a　bathroom　break。〃　
　〃At　our　age；〃　George　said；　〃if　we　didn't　coordinate　our　bathroom　breaks；　there'd　never　be　more　than　two　of　us　at　the　card　table　at　any　one　time！〃　The　others　wheeled　away；　and　Holly　pulled　up　a　chair　to　sit　near　Henry　Ironheart。　
　He　was　not　the　vital…looking；　square…faced　man　she　had　seen　in　the　photograph　on　the　living…room　wall　of　the　farmhouse　last　evening；　and　without　help　Holly　might　not　have　recognized　him。　His　stroke　had　left　his　right　side　weak；　though　not　paralyzed；　and　a　lot　of　the　time　he　held　that　arm　curled　against　his　chest；　the　way　an　injured　animal　might　favor　a　paw。　
　He　had　lost　a　lot　of　weight　and　was　no　longer　a　burly　man。　His　face　was　not　gaunt　but　nearly　so；　though　his　skin　had　good　color；　the　facial　muscles　on　the　right　side　were　unnaturally　relaxed；　allowing　his　features　to　droop　a　little。　
　His　appearance；　bined　with　the　slur　that　thickened　every　word　b　spoke；　might　have　sent　Holly　into　a　depression　over　the　inevitable　direction　of　every　human　life…if　not　for　his　eyes；　which　revealed　an　unbowed　soul。　And　his　conversation；　though　slowed　somewhat　by　his　impediment；　was　that　of　a　bright　and　humorous　man　who　would　not　give　the　fates　the　satisfaction　of　his　despair；　his　treacherous　body　was　to　be　cursed；　if　at　all；　in　private。　
　〃I'm　a　friend　of　Jim's；〃　she　told　him。　
　He　made　a　lopsided　〃O〃　of　his　mouth；　which　she　decided　was　an　expression　of　surprise。　At　first　he　did　not　seem　to　know　what　to　say；　but　then　he　asked；　〃How　is　Jim？〃　Deciding　to　opt　for　the　truth；　she　said；　〃Not　so　good；　Henry。　He's　a　very　troubled　man。〃　
　He　looked　away　from　her；　at　the　pile　of　poker　chips　on　the　table。　
　〃Yes；〃　he　said　softly。　
　Holly　had　half　expected　him　to　be　a　child…abusing　monster　who　had　been　at　least　in　part　responsible　for　Jim's　withdrawal　from　reality。　He　seemed　anything　but　that。　
　〃Henry；　I　wanted　to　meet　you；　talk　to　you；　because　Jim　and　I　are　more　than　friends。　I　love　him；　and　he's　said　that　he　loves　me；　an