dk.coldfire-第49章

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ed　her　eyes　for　a　moment　and　pinched　the　bridge　of　her　nose　with　thumb　and　forefinger；　a　strained　look　on　her　face；　as　if　she　was　trying　to　suppress　a　headache。　
　With　all　his　heart；　Jim　regretted　that　she　had　been　drawn　into　this。　But　like　his　fear　and　despair；　his　regret　was　impure；　tempered　by　the　deep　pleasure　he　took　in　her　very　presence。　Though　it　was　a　selfish　attitude；　he　was　glad　that　she　was　with　him；　no　matter　where　this　strange　night　lead　them。　He　was　no　longer　alone。　
　Still　pinching　the　bridge　of　her　nose；　the　lines　in　her　forehead　carved　deep　by　her　scowl；　Holly　said；　〃This　creature　isn't　restricted　to　the　area　near　the　pond；　or　just　to　psychic　contact　across　great　distances。　
　It　can　manifest　itself　anywhere；　judging　by　the　scratches　it　left　in　my　sides　and　the　way　it　entered　the　ceiling　of　your　bedroom　this　morning。〃　
　〃Well；　now　wait；〃　he　said；　〃we　know　The　Enemy　can　materialize　over　a　considerable　distance；　yes；　but　we　don't　know　that　The　Friend　has　that　ability。　It　was　The　Enemy　that　came　out　of　your　dream　and　The　Enemy　that　tried　to　reach　us　this　morning。〃　
　Holly　opened　her　eyes　and　lowered　her　hand　from　her　face。　Her　expression　was　bleak。　〃I　think　they're　one　and　the　same。〃　
　〃What？〃　〃The　Enemy　and　The　Friend。　I　don't　believe　two　entities　are　living　under　the　pond；　in　that　starship；　if　there　is　a　starship；　which　I　guess　there　is。　I　think　there's　only　a　single　entity。　The　Friend　and　The　Enemy　are　nothing　more　than　different　aspects　of　it。〃　
　Holly's　implication　was　clear；　but　it　was　too　frightening　for　Jim　to　accept　immediately。　He　said；　〃You　can't　be　serious？　You　might　as　well　be　saying。　。　。　it's　insane。〃　
　〃That　is　what　I'm　saying。　It's　suffering　the　alien　equivalent　of　a　split　personality。　It's　acting　out　both　personalities；　but　isn't　consciously　aware　of　what　it's　doing。〃　Jim's　almost　desperate　need　to　believe　in　The　Friend　as　a　separate　and　purely　benign　creature　must　have　been　evident　in　his　face；　for　Holly　took　his　right　hand；　held　it　in　both　hers；　and　hurried　on　before　he　could　interrupt：　〃The　childish　petulance；　the　grandiosity　of　its　claim　to　be　reshaping　the　entire　destiny　of　our　species；　the　flamboyance　of　its　apparitions；　its　sudden　fluctuations　between　an　attitude　of　syrupy　goodwill　and　sullen　anger；　the　way　it　lies　so　damned　transparently　yet　deludes　itself　into　believing　it's　clever；　its　secretiveness　about　some　issues　when　there　is　no　apparent　reason　to　be　secretive…all　of　that　makes　sense　if　you　figure　we're　dealing　with　an　unbalanced　mind。〃　
　He　looked　for　flaws　in　her　reasoning；　and　found　one。　〃But　you　can't　believe　an　insane　person；　an　insane　alien　individual；　could　pilot　an　unimaginably　plex　spacecraft　across　lightyears　through　countless　dangers；　while　pletely　out　of　its　mind。〃　
　〃It　doesn't　have　to　be　like　that。　Maybe　the　insanity　set　in　after　it　got　here。　Or　maybe　it　didn't　have　to　pilot　the　ship；　maybe　the　ship　is　essentially　automatic；　an　entirely　robotic　mechanism。　Or　maybe　there　were　others　of　its　kind　aboard　who　piloted　it；　and　maybe　they're　all　dead　now。　Jim；　it's　never　mentioned　a　crew；　only　The　Enemy。　And　assuming　you　buy　its　extraterrestrial　origins；　does　it　really　ring　true　that　only　two　individuals　would　set　out　on　an　intergalactic　exploration？　Maybe　it　killed　the　others。〃　
　Everything　she　was　theorizing　could　be　true；　but　then　anything　she　theorized　could　be　true。　They　were　dealing　with　the　Unknown；　capital　〃U；〃　and　the　possibilities　in　an　infinite　universe　were　infinite　in　number。　
　He　remembered　reading　somewhere…even　many　scientists　believed　that　anything　the　human　imagination　conceived；　regardless　of　how　fanciful；　could　conceivably　exist　somewhere　in　the　universe；　because　the　infinite　nature　of　creation　meant　that　it　was　no　less　fluid；　no　less　fertile　than　any　man's　or　woman's　dreams。　
　Jim　expressed　that　thought　to　Holly；　then　said；　〃But　what　bothers　me　is　that　you're　doing　now　what　you　rejected　earlier。　You're　trying　hard　to　explain　it　in　human　terms；　when　it　may　be　too　alien　for　us　to　understand　it　at　all。　How　can　you　assume　that　an　alien　species　can　even　suffer　insanity　the　way　we　can；　or　that　it's　capable　of　multiple　personalities？　These　are　all　strictly　human　concepts。〃　
　She　nodded。　〃You're　right；　of　course。　But　at　the　moment；　this　theory's　the　only　one　that　makes　sense　to　me。　Until　something　happens　to　disprove　it；　I've　got　to　operate　on　the　assumption　that　we're　not　dealing　with　a　rational　being。〃　
　With　his　free　hand；　he　reached　out　and　increased　the　gas　flow　to　the　wicks　in　the　Coleman　lantern；　providing　more　light。　〃Jesus；　I've　got　a　bad　case　of　the　creeps；〃　he　said；　shivering。　
　〃Join　the　club。〃　
　〃If　it　is　schizo；　and　if　it　slips　into　the　identity　of　The　Enemy　and　can't　get　back　out。　。　。　what　might　it　do　to　us？〃　〃I　don't　even　want　to　think　about　that；〃　Holly　said。　〃If　it's　as　intellectually　superior　to　us　as　it　seems　to　be；　if　it's　from　a　long…lived　race　with　experience　and　knowledge　that　makes　the　whole　of　the　human　experience　seem　like　a　short　story　pared　to　the　Great　Books　of　the　Western　World；　then　it　sure　as　hell　knows　some　tortures　and　cruelties　that　would　make　Hitler　and　Stalin　and　Pol　Pot　look　like　Sunday…school　teachers。〃　
　He　thought　about　that　for　a　moment；　even　though　he　tried　not　to。　
　The　chocolate　doughnuts　he　had　eaten　lay　in　an　undigested；　burning　wad　in　his　stomach。　
　Holly　said；　〃When　it　es　back…〃　〃For　God's　sake；〃　he　interrupted；　〃no　more　adversarial　tactics！〃　〃I　screwed　up；〃　she　admitted。　〃But　the　adversarial　approach　was　the　correct　one；　I　just　carried　it　too　far。　I　pushed　too　hard。　When　it　es　back；　I'll　modify　my　technique。〃　
　He　supposed　he　had　more　fully　accepted　her　insanity　theory　than　he　was　willing　to　acknowledge。　He　was　now　in　a　cold　sweat　about　what　The　Friend　might　do　if　their　behavior　tipped　it　into　its　other；　darker　identity。　
　〃Why　don't　we　jettison　confrontation　altogether；　play　along　with　it；　stroke　its　ego；　keep　it　as　happy　as　we…〃　〃That's　no　good。　You　can't　control　madness　by　indulging　it。　That　only　creates　more　and　deeper　madness。　I　suspect　any　nurse　in　a　mental　institution　would　tell　you　the　best　way　to　deal　with　potentially　violent　paranoid　is　to　be　nice；　respectful；　but　firm。〃　He　withdrew　his　hand　from　hers　because　his　palms　were　clammy。　He　blotted　them　on　his　shirt。　
　The　mill　seemed　unnaturally　silent；　as　if　it　were　in　a　vacuum　where　sound　could　not　travel；　sealed　in　an　immense　bell　jar；　on　display　in　a　museum　in　a　land　of　giants。　At　another　time　Jim　might　have　found　the　silence　disturbing；　but　now　he　embraced　it　because　it　probably　meant　The　Friend　was　sleeping　or　at　least　preoccupied　with　concerns　other　than　them。　
　〃It　wants　to　do　good；〃　he　said。　〃It　might　be　insane；　and　it　might　be　violent　and　even　evil　in　its　second　identity；　a　regular　Dr。　Jekyll　and　Mr。　
　Hyde。　But　like　Dr。　Jekyll　it　really　wants　to　do　good。　At　least　we've　got　that　going　for　us。〃　
　She　thought　about　it　a　moment。　〃Okay；　I'll　give　you　that　one。　And　when　it　es　back；　I'll　try　to　pry　some　truth　out　of　it。〃　
　〃What　scares　me　most…is　there　really　anything　we　can　learn　from　it　that　could　help　us？　Even　if　it　tells　us　the　whole　truth　about　everything；　if　it's　insane　it's　going　to　turn　to　irrational　violence　sooner　or　later。〃　
　She　nodded。　〃But　we　gotta　try。〃　
　They　settled　into　an　uneasy　silence。　
　When　he　looked　at　his　watch；　Jim　saw　that　it　was　ten　minutes　past　one　in　the　morning。　He　was　not　sleepy。　He　didn't　have　to　worry　about　drifting　off　and　dreaming　and　thereby　opening　a　doorway；　but　he　was　physically　drained。　Though　he　had　not　done　anything　but　sit　in　a　car　and　drive；　then　sit　or　stand　in　the　high　room　waiting　for　revelations；　his　muscles　ached　as　if　he　had　put　in　ten　hours　of　heavy　manual　labor。　
　His　face　felt　slack　with　weariness；　and　his　eyes　were　hot　and　grainy。　
　Extreme　stress　could　be　every　bit　as　debilitating　as　strenuous　physical　activity。　
　He　found　himself　wishing　The　Friend　would　never　return；　wishing　not　in　an　idle　way　but　with　the　wholehearted　mitment　of　a　young　boy　wishing　that　an　uping　visit　to　the　dentist　would　not　transpire。　He　put　every　fiber　of　his　being　into　the　wish；　as　if　convinced；　the　way　a　kid　sometimes　could　be；　that　wishes　really　did　now　and　then　e　true。　
　He　remembered　a　quote　from　Chazal；　which　he　had　used　when　teaching　a　literature　unit　on　the　supernatural　fiction　of　Poe　and　Hawthorne：　Extreme　terror　gives　us　back　the　gestures　of　our　childhood　If　he　ever　went　back　into　the　classroom；　he　would　be　able　to　teach　that　unit　a　hell　of　a　lot　better；　thanks　to　what　had　happened　to　him　in　the　old　windmill。　
　At　1：25　The　Friend　disproved　the　value　of　wishing　by　putting　in　a　sudden　appearance。　This　time　no　bells　heralded　its　approach。　Red　light　blossomed　in　the　wall；　like　a　burst　of　crimson　paint　in　clear　water。　
　Holly　scrambled　to　her　feet。　
　So　did　Jim。　He　could　no　longer　sit　relaxed　in　the　presence　of　this　mysterious　being；　because　he　was　now　more　than　halfconvinced　that　at　any　moment　it　might　strike　at　them　with　merciless　brutality。　
　The　light　separated　into　many　swarms；　surged　all　the　way　around　the　room；　then　began　to　change　from　red　to　amber。　
　The　Friend　spoke　without　waiting　for　a　question：　〃August　first　Seattle　Washington。　Laura　Lenaskian；　saved　from　drowning。　She　will　give　birth　to　u　child　who　will　bee　a　great　poser　and　whose　music　will　give　solace　to　many　people　in　times　of　trouble。　August　eighth。　Peoria；　Illinois　Doogie　Burkette。　He　will　grow　up　to　be　a　paramedic　in　Chicago；　where　he　will　do　much　good　and　save　many　lives　August　twelfth。　Portland　Oregon。　Billy　Jenkins　He　will　grow　up　to　be　a　brilliant　medical　technologist　whose　inventions　will　revolutionize　medical　care〃　Jim　met　Holly's　eyes　and　did　not　even　have　to　wonder　what　she　was　thinking：　the　same　thing　he　was　thinking。　
　The　Friend　was　in　its　testy；　I'll　show…you　mode；　and　it　was　providing　details　which　it　expected　would　lend　credibility　to　its　extravagant　claim　to　be　altering　human　destiny。　But　it　was　impossible　to　know　if　what　it　said　was　true…or　merely　fantasies　that　it　had　worked　up　to　support　its　story。　The　important　thing；　perhaps；　was　that　it　seemed　to　care　deeply　that　they　believe　it。　Jim　had　no　idea　why　his　or　Holly's　opinion　should　matter　at　all　to　a　being　as　intellectually　superior　to　them　as　they　were　to　a　field　mouse；　but　the　fact　that　it　did　evidently　matter　seemed　to　be　to　their　advantage。　
　〃　August　twentieth。　The　Mojave　Desert　Nevada。　Lisa　and　Susan　Jawolski　。　Lisa　will　provide　her　daughter　with　the　love　affection。　and　counseling　that　will　make　it　possible　for　the　girl　eventually　to　overe　the　severe　psychological　trauma　of　her　father's　murder　and　grow　up　to　be　the　greatest　woman　statesman　in　the　entire　history　of　the　world；　a　force　for　enlightenment　and　passionate　government　policies　August　twenty…third。　Boston；　Massachusetts。　Nicholas　O'Conner　saved　from　an　electrical…vault　explosion。　
　He　will　grow　up　to　bee　a　priest　who　will　dedicate　his　life　to　caring　for　the　poor　in　the　slums　of　India…〃　The　Friend's　attempt　to　answer　Holly's　criticism　and　present　a　six　grandiose　version　of　its　work　was　childishly　transparent。　The　Burkette　bo　was　not　going　to　save　the　world；　just　be　a　damned　good　paramedic；　and　Nicholas　O'Conner　was　going　to　be　a　humble　man　leading　a　self　effaci