dk.coldfire-第36章

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　〃Here　we　go　again。〃　
　〃I　really　don't；〃　he　insisted。　〃Why　did　you　dream　about　it；　if　you've　never　even　been　there？〃　She　drank　more　beer；　which　did　not　clarify　her　thinking。　〃Maybe　because　you're　projecting　your　dream　at　me。　As　a　way　to　sort　of　make　a　connection　between　us；　draw　me　to　you。〃　
　〃Why　would　I　want　to　draw　you　to　me？〃　〃Thanks　a　lot。〃　
　〃Anyway；　like　I　told　you　before；　I'm　no　psychic；　I　don't　have　abilities　like　that。　I'm　just　an　instrument。〃　
　〃Then　it's　this　higher　power　of　yours；〃　she　said。　〃It's　sending　me　the　same　dream　because　it　wants　us　to　connect。〃　
　He　wiped　one　hand　down　his　face。　〃This　is　too　much　for　me　right　now。　
　I'm　so　damned　tired。〃　
　〃Me；　too。　But　it's　only　nine…thirty；　and　we've　still　got　a　lot　to　talk　about。〃　
　〃I　only　slept　about　an　hour　last　night；〃　he　said。　
　He　really　did　look　exhausted。　A　shave　and　a　shower　had　made　him　presentable；　but　the　bruise…dark　rings　around　his　eyes　were　getting　darker；　end　he　had　not　regained　color　in　his　face　after　turning　pale　at　the　mention　of　her　windmill　dreams。　
　He　said；　〃We　can　pick　this　up　in　the　morning。〃　
　She　frowned。　〃No　away。　I'll　e　back　in　the　morning；　and　you　won't　let　me　in。〃　
　〃I'll　let　you　in。〃　
　〃That's　what　you　say　now。〃　
　〃If　you're　having　that　dream；　then　you're　part　of　this　whether　I　like　it　or　not。〃　
　His　tone　of　voice　had　gone　from　cool　to　cold　again；　and　it　was　clear　that　what　he　meant　by　〃whether　I　like　it　or　not〃　was　really　〃even　though　I　don't　like　it。〃　
　He　was　a　loner；　evidently　always　had　been。　Viola　Moreno；　who　had　great　affection　for　him；　claimed　he　was　well…liked　by　his　students　and　colleagues。　She'd　spoken　of　a　fundamental　sadness　in　him；　however；　that　separated　him　from　other　people；　and　since　quitting　his　teaching　position；　he　had　seen　little　of　Viola　or　his　other　friends　from　that　life。　Though　intrigued　by　the　news　that　he　and　Holly　were　sharing　a　dream；　though　he　had　called　her　〃refreshing；〃　though　he　was　to　some　degree　attracted　at　her；　he　obviously　resented　her　intrusion　into　his　solitude。　
　Holly　said；　〃No　good。　You'll　be　gone　when　I　get　here　in　the　morning；　I　won't　know　where　you　went；　maybe　you'll　never　e　back。〃　
　He　had　no　energy　for　resistance。　〃Then　stay　the　night。〃　
　〃You　have　a　spare　bedroom？〃　〃Yeah。　But　there's　no　spare　bed。　You　can　sleep　on　the　family…room　couch；　I　guess；　but　it's　damned　old　and　not　too　fortable。〃　；　She　carried　her　halfempty　beer　into　the　adjacent　family　room；　and　tested　the　sagging；　brown　sofa。　〃It'll　be　good　enough。〃　
　〃Whatever　you　want。〃　He　seemed　indifferent；　but　she　sensed　that　his　indifference　was　a　pretense。　〃You　have　any　spare　pajamas？〃　〃Jesus。〃　
　〃Well；　I'm　sorry；　but　I　didn't　bring　any。〃　
　〃Mine'll　be　too　big　for　you。〃　
　〃Just　makes　them　more　fortable。　I'd　like　to　shower；　too。　I'm　sticky　from　tanning　lotion　and　being　in　the　sun　all　afternoon。〃　
　With　the　put…upon　air　of　a　man　who　had　found　his　least　favorite　relative　standing　on　his　doorstep　unannounced；　he　took　her　upstairs；　showed　her　the　guest　bath；　and　got　a　pair　of　pajamas　and　a　set　of　towels　for　her。　
　〃Try　to　be　quiet；〃　he　said。　〃I　plan　to　be　sound　asleep　in　five　minutes。〃　
　Luxuriating　in　the　fall　of　hot　water　and　clouds　of　steam；　Holly　was　pleased　that　the　shower　did　not　take　the　edge　off　her　beer　buzz。　
　Though　she　had　slept　better　last　night　than　Ironheart　claimed　to　have；　she　had　not　gotten　a　solid　eight　hours　in　the　past　few　days；　and　she　was　looking　for　ward　to　a　Corona…induced　sleep　even　on　the　worn　and　lumpy　sofa。　
　At　the　same　time；　she　was　uneasy　about　the　continued　fuzziness　of　her　mind。　She　needed　to　keep　her　wits　about　her。　After　all；　she　was　in　the　house　of　an　undeniably　strange　man　who　was　largely　a　cipher　to　her；　a　walking　mystery。　She　understood　little　of　what　was　in　his　heart；　was　pumped　secrets　and　shadows　in　greater　quantity　than　blood。　For　all　his　coolness　toward　her；　he　seemed　basically　a　good　man　with　benign　intentions；　and　it　was　difficult　to　believe　that　he　was　a　threat　to　her。　
　On　the　other　hand；　it　was　not　unusual　to　see　a　news　story　about　a　berserk　mass　murderer　who　after　brutally　slaying　his　friends；　family；　and　coworkers　was　described　by　his　astonished　neighbors　as　〃a　really　nice　guy。〃　For　all　she　knew；　in　spite　of　his　claim　to　be　the　avatar　of　God；　by　day　Jim　Ironheart　heroically　risked　his　own　life　to　save　the　lives　of　strangers…and；　by　night；　tortured　kittens　with　maniacal　glee。　
　Nevertheless；　after　she　dried　off　on　the　clean…smelling；　fluffy　bath　towel；　she　took　another　long　swallow　of　her　Corona。　She　decided　that　a　full　night　of　deep　and　dreamless　sleep　was　worth　the　risk　of　being　butchered　in　her　She　put　on　his　pajamas；　rolled　up　the　cuffs　of　the　pants　and　the　sleeves。　
　Carrying　her　bottle　of　Corona；　which　still　contained　a　swallow　or　two；　she　quietly　opened　the　bathroom　door　and　stepped　into　the　second…floor　hallway。　The　house　was　eerily　silent。　
　Heading　toward　the　stairs；　she　passed　the　open　door　of　the　master　bedroom　and　glanced　inside。　Extension…arm　brass　reading　lamps　were　mounted　on　the　wall　on　both　sides　of　the　bed；　and　one　of　them　cast　a　narrow　wedge　of　amber　light　on　the　rumpled　sheets。　Jim　was　lying　on　his　back　in　bed；　his　arms　folded　on　the　two　pillows　under　his　head；　and　he　seemed　to　be　awake。　
　She　hesitated；　then　stepped　into　the　open　doorway。　〃Thanks；〃　she　said；　speaking　softly　in　case　he　was　asleep；　〃I　feel　a　lot　better。〃　
　〃Good　for　you。〃　
　Holly　entered　the　room　and　moved　close　enough　to　the　bed　to　see　his　blue　eyes　shining　in　the　backsplash　of　the　lamp。　The　covers　were　pulled　up　past　his　navel；　but　he　was　not　wearing　pajama　tops。　His　chest　and　arms　were　lean　but　well…muscled。　
　She　said；　〃Thought　you'd　be　asleep　by　now。〃　
　〃Want　to　be；　need　to　be；　but　I　can't　shut　my　mind　off〃　Looking　down　at　him；　she　said；　〃Viola　Moreno　says　there's　a　deep　sadness　in　you。〃　
　〃Been　busy；　haven't　you？〃　She　took　a　small　swallow　of　Corona。　One　left。　She　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　the　bed。　〃Do　your　grandparents　still　have　the　farm　with　the　windmill？〃　〃They're　dead。〃　
　〃I'm　sorry。〃　
　〃Grandma　died　five　years　ago；　Grandpa　eight　months　later…as　if　he　really　didn't　want　to　go　on　without　her。　They　had　good；　full　lives。　But　I　miss　them。〃　
　〃You　have　anybody？〃　〃Two　cousins　in　Akron；〃　he　said。　
　〃You　stay　in　touch？〃　〃Haven't　seen　them　in　twenty　years。〃　
　She　drank　the　last　of　the　Corona。　She　put　the　empty　bottle　on　the　nightstand。　
　For　a　few　minutes　neither　of　them　spoke。　The　silence　was　not　awkward。　
　Indeed；　it　was　fortable。　
　She　got　up　and　went　around　to　the　other　side　of　the　bed。　She　pulled　back　the　covers；　stretched　out　beside　him；　and　put　her　head　on　the　other　two　pillows。　
　Apparently；　he　was　not　surprised。　Neither　was　she。　
　After　a　while；　they　held　hands；　lying　side　by　side；　staring　at　the　ceiling。　
　She　said；　〃Must've　been　hard；　losing　your　parents　when　you　were　just　ten。〃　
　〃Real　bad。〃　
　〃What　happened　to　them？〃　He　hesitated。　〃A　traffic　accident。〃　
　〃And　you　went　to　live　with　your　grandparents？〃　〃Yeah。　The　first　year　was　the　hardest。　I　was。　。　。　in　bad　shape。　I　spent　a　lot　of　time　in　the　windmill。　It　was　my　special　place；　where　I　went　to　play。　。　。　to　be　alone。〃　
　〃I　wish　we'd　been　kids　together；〃　she　said。　
　〃Why？〃　She　thought　of　Norby；　the　boy　she　had　pulled　from　the　sarcophagus　under　the　DC…10's　overturned　seats。　〃So　I　could've　known　you　before　your　parents　died；　what　you　were　like　then；　untouched。〃　
　Another　stretch　of　time　passed　in　silence。　
　When　he　spoke；　his　voice　was　so　low　that　Holly　could　barely　hear　it　above　the　thumping　of　her　own　heart：　〃Viola　has　a　sadness　in　her；　too。　
　She　looks　like　the　happiest　lady　in　the　world；　but　she　lost　her　husband　in　Vietnam；　never　got　over　it。　Father　Geary；　the　priest　I　told　you　about；　he　looks　like　every　devout　parish　rector　from　every　old　sentimental　Catholic　movie　ever　made　in　the　thirties　and　forties；　but　when　I　met　him　he　was　weary　and　unsure　of　his　calling。　And　you。　。　。　
　well；　you're　pretty　and　amusing；　and　you　have　an　air　of　efficiency　about　you；　but　I'd　never　have　guessed　that　you　could　be　as　relentless　as　you　are。　You　give　the　impression　of　a　woman　who　moves　easy　through　life；　interested　in　life　and　in　her　work；　but　never　moving　against　a　current；　always　with　it；　easy。　Yet　you're　really　like　a　bulldog　when　you　get　your　teeth　in　something。〃　
　Staring　at　the　dapple　of　light　and　shadow　on　the　ceiling；　holding　his　strong　hand；　Holly　considered　his　statement　for　a　while。　Finally　she　said；　〃What's　your　point？〃　〃People　are　always　more。　。　。　plex　than　you　figure。〃　
　〃Is　that　just　an　observation。　。　。　or　a　warning？〃　He　seemed　surprised　by　her　question。　〃Warning？〃　〃Maybe　you're　warning　me　that　you're　not　what　you　seem　to　be。〃　
　After　another　long　pause；　he　said；　〃Maybe。〃　
　She　matched　his　silence。　Then　she　said；　〃I　guess　I　don't　care。〃　
　He　turned　toward　her。　She　moved　against　him　with　a　shyness　that　she　had　not　felt　in　many　years。　His　first　kiss　was　gentle；　and　more　intoxicating　than　three　bottles　or　three　cases　of　Corona。　
　Holly　realized　she'd　been　deceiving　herself　She　had　needed　the　beer　not　to　soothe　her　nerves；　not　to　insure　an　uninterrupted　night　of　sleep；　but　to　give　her　the　courage　to　seduce　him…or　to　be　seduced。　She　had　sensed　that　he　was　abysmally　lonely；　and　she　had　told　him　so。　Now　she　understood　that　her　loneliness　had　exceeded　his；　and　that　only　the　smallest　part　of　her　desolation　of　spirit　had　resulted　from　her　disenchantment　with　journalism；　most　of　it　was　simply　the　result　of　being　alone；　for　the　most　part；　all　of　her　adult　life。　
　Two　pajama　bottoms　and　one　top　seemed　to　dissolve　between　them　like　clothes　sometimes　evaporate　in　erotic　dreams。　She　moved　her　hands　over　him　with　increasing　excitement；　marveling　that　the　sense　of　touch　could　convey　such　intricacies　of　shape　and　texture；　or　give　rise　to　such　exquisite　longings。　
　She　had　a　ridiculously　romantic　idea　of　what　it　would　be　like　to　make　love　to　him；　a　dreamy…eyed　girl's　fantasy　of　unmatched　passion；　of　sweet　tenderness　and　pure　hot　sex　in　perfect　balance；　every　muscle　in　both　of　them　flexing　and　contracting　in　sublime　harmony　or；　at　times；　in　breathless　counterpoint；　each　invasive　stroke　a　testament　to　mutual　surrender；　two　being　one；　the　outer　world　of　reason　overwhelmed　by　the　inner　world　of　feeling；　no　wrong　word　spoken；　no　sigh　mistimed；　bodies　moving　and　meshing　in　precisely　the　same　mysterious　rhythms　by　which　the　great　invisible　tidal　forces　of　the　universe　ebbed　and　flowed；　elevating　the　act　above　mere　biology　and　making　of　it　a　mystical　experience。　Her　expectations　proved；　of　course；　to　be　ridiculous。　In　reality；　it　was　more　tender；　more　fierce；　and　far　better　than　her　fantasy。　
　They　fell　asleep　like　spoons　in　a　drawer；　her　belly　against　his　back；　her　loins　against　his　warm　bottom。　Hours　later；　in　those　reaches　of　the　night　that　were　usually…but　no　longer…the　loneliest　of　all；　they　woke　to　the　same　quiet　alarm　of　renewed　desire。　He　turned　to　her；　she　weled　him；　and　this　time　they　moved　together　with　an　even　greater　urgency；　as　if　the　first　time　had　not　taken　the　edge　off　their　need　but　had　sharpened　it　the　way　one　dose　of　heroin　only　increases　the　addict's　desire　for　the　next。　
　At　first；　looking　up　into　Jim's　beautiful　eyes；　Holly　felt　as　if　she