sk.everythingseventual-第58章

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in　her　eyes　was　negative；　she　might　as　well　have　been　wearing　a　CLOSED　UNTIL　FURTHER　NOTICE　sign　on　her　forehead。　I　thought　I　deserved　better。
　　'Monsieur；'　the　ma？tre　d'　said；　pulling　out　the　chair　to　Diane's　left。　I　barely　heard　him；　and　certainly　any　thought　of　his　eccentric　behavior　and　crooked　bow…tie　had　left　my　head。　I　think　that　even　the　subject　of　tobacco　had　briefly　vacated　my　head　for　the　first　time　since　I'd　quit　smoking。　I　could　only　consider　the　careful　posure　of　her　face　and　marvel　at　how　I　could　be　angry　with　her　and　still　want　her　so　much　it　made　me　ache　to　look　at　her。　Absence　may　or　may　not　make　the　heart　grow　fonder；　but　it　certainly　freshens　the　eye。
　　I　also　found　time　to　wonder　if　I　had　really　seen　all　I'd　surmised。　Anger？　Yes；　that　was　possible；　even　likely。　If　she　hadn't　been　angry　with　me　to　at　least　some　degree；　she　never　would　have　left　in　the　first　place；　I　supposed。　But　afraid？　Why　in　God's　name　would　Diane　be　afraid　of　me？　I'd　never　laid　a　single　finger　on　her。　Yes；　I　suppose　I　had　raised　my　voice　during　some　of　our　arguments；　but　so　had　she。
　　'Enjoy　your　lunch；　monsieur；'　the　ma？tre　d'　said　from　some　other　universe…the　one　where　service　people　usually　stay；　only　poking　their　heads　into　ours　when　we　call　them；　either　because　we　need　something　or　to　plain。
　　'Mr。　Davis；　I'm　Bill　Humboldt；'　Diane's　panion　said。　He　held　out　a　large　hand　that　looked　reddish　and　chapped。　I　shook　it　briefly。　The　rest　of　him　was　as　big　as　his　hand；　and　his　broad　face　wore　the　sort　of　flush　habitual　drinkers　often　get　after　the　first　one　of　the　day。　I　put　him　in　his　mid…forties；　about　ten　years　away　from　the　time　when　his　sagging　cheeks　would　turn　into　jowls。
　　'Pleasure；'　I　said；　not　thinking　about　what　I　was　saying　any　more　than　I　was　thinking　about　the　ma？tre　d'　with　the　blob　on　his　shirt；　only　wanting　to　get　the　hand…shaking　part　over　so　I　could　turn　back　to　the　pretty　blonde　with　the　rose…and…cream　plexion；　the　pale　pink　lips；　and　the　trim；　slim　figure。　The　woman　who　had；　not　so　long　ago；　liked　to　whisper　'Do　me　do　me　do　me'　in　my　ear　while　she　held　onto　my　ass　like　a　saddle　with　two　pommels。
　　'Where　is　Mr。　Ring？'　Humboldt　asked；　looking　around　（a　bit　theatrically；　I　thought）。
　　'Mr。　Ring　is　on　his　way　to　Long　Island。　His　mother　fell　downstairs　and　broke　her　hip。'
　　'Oh；　wonderful；'　Humboldt　said。　He　picked　up　the　half…finished　martini　in　front　of　him　on　the　table　and　drained　it　until　the　olive　with　the　toothpick　in　it　rested　against　his　lips。　He　spat　it　back；　then　set　the　glass　down　and　looked　at　me。　'And　I　bet　I　can　guess　what　he　told　you。'
　　I　heard　this　but　paid　no　attention。　For　the　time　being；　Humboldt　was　no　more　important　than　minor　static　on　a　radio　program　you　really　want　to　hear。　I　looked　at　Diane　instead。　It　was　marvellous；　really；　how　she　looked　smarter　and　prettier　than　previous。　As　if　she　had　learned　things…yes；　even　after　only　two　weeks　of　separation；　and　while　living　with　Ernie　and　Dee　Dee　Coslaw　in　Pound　Ridge…that　I　could　never　know。
　　'How　are　you；　Steve？'　she　asked。
　　'Fine；'　I　said。　Then；　'Not　so　fine；　actually。　I've　missed　you。'
　　Only　watchful　silence　from　the　lady　greeted　this。　Those　big　blue…green　eyes　looking　at　me；　no　more。　Certainly　no　return　serve；　no　I've　missed　you；　too。
　　'And　I　quit　smoking。　That's　also　played　hell　with　my　peace　of　mind。'
　　'Did　you；　finally？　Good　for　you。'
　　I　felt　another　flash　of　anger；　this　time　a　really　ugly　one；　at　her　politely　dismissive　tone。　As　if　I　might　not　be　telling　the　truth；　but　it　didn't　really　matter　if　I　was。　She'd　carped　at　me　about　the　cigarettes　every　day　for　two　years；　it　seemed…how　they　were　going　to　give　me　cancer；　how　they　were　going　to　give　her　cancer；　how　she　wouldn't　even　consider　getting　pregnant　until　I　stopped；　so　I　could　just　save　any　breath　I　might　have　been　planning　to　waste　on　that　subject…and　now　all　at　once　it　didn't　matter　anymore；　because　I　didn't　matter　anymore。
　　'We　have　a　little　business　to　transact；'　Humboldt　said。　'If　you　don't　mind；　that　is。'
　　There　was　one　of　those　big；　boxy　lawyer　suitcases　on　the　floor　beside　him。　He　picked　it　up　with　a　grunt　and　set　it　on　the　chair　where　my　lawyer　would　have　been　if　his　mother　hadn't　broken　her　hip。　Humboldt　began　unsnapping　the　clasps；　but　I　quit　paying　attention　at　that　point。　The　fact　was；　I　did　mind。　It　wasn't　a　matter　of　caution；　either；　it　was　a　matter　of　priorities。　I　felt　an　instant's　gratitude　that　Ring　had　been　called　away。　It　had　certainly　clarified　the　issues。
　　I　looked　at　Diane　and　said；　'I　want　to　try　again。　Can　we　reconcile？　Is　there　any　chance　of　that？'
　　The　look　of　absolute　horror　on　her　face　crashed　hopes　I　hadn't　even　known　I'd　been　holding　onto。　Instead　of　answering；　she　looked　past　me　at　Humboldt。
　　'You　said　we　didn't　have　to　talk　about　this！'　Her　voice　was　trembling；　accusatory。　'You　said　you　wouldn't　even　let　it　e　up！'
　　Humboldt　looked　a　little　flustered。　He　shrugged　and　glanced　briefly　down　at　his　empty　martini　glass　before　looking　back　up　at　Diane。　I　think　he　was　wishing　he'd　ordered　a　double。　'I　didn't　know　Mr。　Davis　would　be　attending　this　meeting　without　his　lawyer。　You　should　have　called　me；　Mr。　Davis。　Since　you　did　not；　I　feel　it　necessary　to　inform　you　that　Diane　did　not　greenlight　this　meeting　with　any　thoughts　of　reconciliation　in　mind。　Her　decision　to　seek　a　divorce　is　final。'
　　He　glanced　at　her　briefly；　seeking　confirmation；　and　got　it。　She　was　nodding　emphatically。　Her　cheeks　were　considerably　brighter　than　they　had　been　when　I　sat　down；　and　it　was　not　the　sort　of　flush　I　associate　with　embarrassment。　'You　bet　it　is；'　she　said；　and　I　saw　that　furious　look　on　her　face　again。
　　'Diane；　why？'　I　hated　the　plaintive　note　I　heard　in　my　voice；　a　sound　almost　like　a　sheep's　bleat；　but　there　wasn't　a　goddamned　thing　I　could　do　about　it。　'Why？'
　　'Oh　Jesus；'　she　said。　'Are　you　telling　me　you　really　don't　know？'
　　'Yes…'
　　Her　cheeks　were　brighter　than　ever；　the　flush　now　rising　almost　to　her　temples。　'No；　probably　you　don't。　Isn't　that　typical。'　She　picked　up　her　water　and　spilled　the　top　two　inches　on　the　tablecloth　because　her　hand　was　trembling。　I　flashed　back　at　once…I　mean　kapow…to　the　day　she'd　left；　remembering　how　I'd　knocked　the　glass　of　orange　juice　onto　the　floor　and　how　I'd　cautioned　myself　not　to　try　picking　up　the　broken　pieces　of　glass　until　my　hands　had　settled　down；　and　how　I'd　gone　ahead　anyway　and　cut　myself　for　my　pains。
　　'Stop　it；　this　is　counterproductive；'　Humboldt　said。　He　sounded　like　a　playground　monitor　trying　to　prevent　a　scuffle　before　it　gets　started；　but　his　eyes　were　sweeping　the　rear　part　of　the　less　interested　in　us；　at　that　particular　moment；　than　he　was　in　obtaining　what　the　British　like　to　call　'the　other　half。'
　　'I　just　want　to　know…'　I　began。
　　'What　you　want　to　know　doesn't　have　anything　to　do　with　why　we're　here；'　Humboldt　said；　and　for　a　moment　he　sounded　as　sharp　and　alert　as　he　probably　had　been　when　he　first　strode　out　of　law　school　with　his　diploma　in　his　hand。
　　'Yes；　right；　finally；'　Diane　said。　She　spoke　in　a　brittle；　urgent　voice。　'Finally　it's　not　about　what　you　want；　what　you　need。'
　　'I　don't　know　what　that　means；　but　I'm　willing　to　listen；'　I　said。　'We　could　try　counselling；　I'm　not　against　it　if　maybe…'
　　She　raised　her　hands　to　shoulder…level；　palms　out。　'Oh　God；　Mr。　Macho's　gone　New　Age；'　she　said；　then　dropped　her　hands　back　into　her　lap。　'After　all　the　days　you　rode　off　into　the　sunset；　tall　in　the　saddle。　Say　it　ain't　so；　Joe。'
　　'Stop　it；'　Humboldt　told　her。　He　looked　from　his　client　to　his　client's　soon…to…be　ex…husband　（it　was　going　to　happen；　all　right；　even　the　slight　unreality　that　es　with　not…smoking　couldn't　conceal　that　self…evident　truth　from　me　by　that　point）。　'One　more　word　from　either　of　you　and　I'm　going　to　declare　this　luncheon　at　an　end。'　He　gave　us　a　small　smile；　one　so　obviously　manufactured　that　I　found　it　perversely　endearing。　'And　we　haven't　even　heard　the　specials　yet。'
　　That…the　first　mention　of　food　since　I'd　joined　them…was　just　before　the　bad　things　started　to　happen；　and　I　remember　smelling　salmon　from　one　of　the　nearby　tables。　In　the　two　weeks　since　I'd　quit　smoking；　my　sense　of　smell　had　bee　incredibly　sharp；　but　I　do　not　count　that　as　much　of　a　blessing；　especially　when　it　es　to　salmon。　I　used　to　like　it；　but　now　I　can't　abide　the　smell　of　it；　let　alone　the　taste。　To　me　it　smells　of　pain　and　fear　and　blood　and　death。
　　'He　started　it；'　Diane　said　sulkily。
　　You　started　it；　you　were　the　one　who　walked　out；　I　thought；　but　I　kept　it　to　myself。　Humboldt　clearly　meant　what　he　said；　he　would　take　Diane　by　the　hand　and　walk　her　out　of　the　restaurant　if　we　started　that　schoolyard　no…I…didn't；　yes…you…did　shit。　Not　even　the　prospect　of　another　drink　would　hold　him　here。
　　'Okay；'　I　said　mildly　。　。　。　and　I　had　to　work　hard　to　achieve　that　mild　tone；　believe　me。　'I　started　it。　What's　next？'　I　knew；　of　course；　papers；　papers；　papers。　And　probably　the　only　satisfaction　I　was　going　to　get　out　of　this　sorry　situation　was　telling　them　that　I　wasn't　going　to　sign　any；　or　even　look　at　any；　on　the　advice　of　my　lawyer。　I　glanced　at　Diane　again；　but　she　was　looking　down　at　her　empty　plate　and　her　hair　hid　her　face。　I　felt　a　strong　urge　to　grab　her　by　the　shoulders　and　shake　her　inside　her　new　blue　dress　like　a　pebble　inside　of　a　gourd。　Do　you　think　you're　in　this　alone？　I　would　shout　at　her。　Do　you　think　you're　in　this　alone？　Well；　the　Marlboro　Man　has　got　news　for　you；　sweetheart…you're　a　stubborn；　self…indulgent　little　bi　…
　　'Mr。　Davis？'　Humboldt　asked　politely。
　　I　looked　around　at　him。
　　'There　you　are；'　he　said。　'I　thought　we'd　lost　you　again。'
　　'Not　at　all；'　I　said。
　　'Good。　Lovely。'
　　He　had　several　sheafs　of　paper　in　his　hands。　They　were　held　together　by　those　paperclips　that　e　in　different　colors…red；　blue；　yellow；　purple。　They　went　well　with　the　Impressionist　drawings　on　the　walls　of　the　Gotham　Café。　It　occurred　to　me　that　I　had　e　abysmally　unprepared　for　this　meeting；　and　not　just　because　my　lawyer　was　on　the　twelve…thirty…three　to　Babylon；　either。　Diane　had　her　new　dress；　Humboldt　had　his　Brinks　truck　of　a　briefcase；　plus　documents　held　together　by　color…coded　paperclips；　all　I　had　was　a　new　umbrella　on　a　sunny　day。　I　looked　down　at　where　it　lay　beside　my　chair　（it　had　never　crossed　my　mind　to　check　it）　and　saw　there　was　still　a　price…tag　dangling　from　the　handle。　All　at　once　I　felt　like　Minnie　Pearl。
　　The　room　smelled　wonderful；　as　most　restaurants　do　since　they　banned　smoking　in　them…of　flowers　and　wine　and　fresh　coffee　and　chocolate　and　pastry…but　what　I　smelled　most　clearly　was　salmon。　I　remember　thinking　that　it　smelled　very　good；　and　that　I　would　probably　order　some。　I　also　remember　thinking　that　if　I　could　eat　at　a　meeting　like　this；　I　could　probably　eat　anywhere。
　　'I　have　here　a　number　of　forms　which　will　allow　both　you　and　Ms。　Davis　to　remain　financially　mobile　while　assuring　that　neither　of　you　will　have　unfair　access　to　the　funds　you've　both　worked　so　hard　to　accumulate；'　Humboldt　said。　'I　also　have　preliminary　court　notifications　which　need　to　be　signed　by　you；　and　forms　that　will　allow　us　to　put　your　bonds　and　T…bills　in　an　escrow　accoun